How do you find the population of Mexico? Send out a census

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A knock knock B who's there A nobody

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What's big long, harry, and has glowing eyes? I dont know. Its under my bed. PLEASE SEND HELP!!!

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why did the elephant cross the road? it was the chickens day off.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, as asks the man running the stand, "Hey, got any grapes?" The man suffers a heart attack from the shock of a talking duck

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Me: What postion in baseball does a cat play? You: I don't know? What? Me: I don't know i haven't eaten that part yet.

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What did the coat say to the dog? Nothing, the coat was inanimate

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How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the fridge door and place the elephant inside. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the fridge door, remove the elephant, and place the giraffe inside. There is a party at the zoo. All of the zoo animals attend, except one. Which one? The giraffe, because he is in the fridge.

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While getting Sherrie's Crabcakes I was arrested by Missy Hepp highway patrol.

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Q: Why is asprin white? A: It works.

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Why does my friend pick up trash? Because he is a garbageman

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A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

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You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends nose. But you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.

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What do you call two black people in the same sleeping bag? A newly married couple on their camping adventure honeymoon.

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Q. what tall and looks like a jew? A.TODD

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what did the apple say to the orange? -- NOTHING! APPLES DO NOT TALK!

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An alligator crawled into a bar Animal control is promptly called and he is released in a nearby lake

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Why did the man cross the road? He was in a state of depression and chose to commit suicide.

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EVERYONE TEXT 513-550-3742 AND ASK HIM WHY HE HAS GOOP IN HIS PANTS. his names eric

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What do you call a Mexican in the sand? A churro! (not trying to be racist, I'm even Mexican)

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Why did David Hasselhoff talk to his car? Because it was KIT from knight Rider and had voice recognition software and so could understand him

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a socially responsible chicken and his family was on the other side and every day walks his ass across the street to go to work to provide for his family, unlike your dead-beat ass.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops