Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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What did the farmer say to the chicken? Nothing, speaking to a bird would have been considered highly irregular, bordering on insane. He left the bird alone, until the time came to slaughter the bird and take it's nutritious meat.

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Obama Getting Re-Elected.

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a white man a black man and an asian man had a few drinks at a bar. they all died from alcohol poisoning

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What do you do when you find a black guy bleeding on your porch? You should call an ambulance! This man is hurt!

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Will I be watching The Voice tonight? no.

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I stepped into the bathroom and began to take a shower. Then, I panicked. I was so thirsty, and I did not take the advantage to drink some water before I stepped into the bathroom. But then I realized: "Wow, I am so silly. I am standing under the shower, so I could easily just expedite my washing and drying, exit the bathroom, get dressed, and grab something to drink from the kitchen!" Then I showered quickly and got something to drink.

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hes climbing in your window, hes snatching your people up. Hes a fireman.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You smell like ass, And no one loves you!

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What do people and jelly beans have in common? Nothing. One is a living creature, and the other is a tasty treat.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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A man walked into a bar. He left in a body bag.

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What's black and blue and hates sex? A rape victim.

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why does chuck norris not have a middle name? because his parents didn't want him to have one.

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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Knock knock.. Who's there? Breaking. Breaking who? Im breaking up with you.

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What did the man do when he ran out of milk? He went to the store to get some more milk!

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Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. I slipped you a roofie, get ready for me.

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What did the virulent Homophobe do during the PRIDE national day of silence? He talked

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Skinny people fart less.

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what did the guy say on friday ? ah man im so glad its not monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday he then threw a horse at a plane while moonwalking on a star that was riding a duck that was on a rabbit. Sir jumpalot was working overtime as he had to pay for a free phone

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What's the difference between your momma and a bucket of shit? Well, for starters your mother and a bucket of shit aren't even made of the same physical structure, and secondly, your mother is sentient while a bucket is not.

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How do you make a plumber sad? Kill his family...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side XD

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops