Q: why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: because it was dead.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A wonderful dairy product that i can not have due to the fact that i do not own it.

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What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

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Two black males walk into the bar due to circumstances, one of them has to leave early to tend to his ill wife, and the other enjoys his night drinking and making small talk with new friends PS: the one above was wrong sorry :(

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whats long, fat, and people love it in their mouth? blunts.

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Why was the little Asian boy crying at the county fair? He had just watched his entire family get brutally crushed beneath the weight of the old ferris wheel as they went to get on. Never would he forget the painful screams of his mother as her blood splashed onto his white t-shirt. Never would he forget the police car ride to the foster home when it all sank in that they were truly gone. And never would he forget the abuse his new parents would inflict on him daily. But what would forever torment him most were those screams. Those persistent screams that woke him in the night until the day he died many, many years later.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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How does a cancer patient bathe? He can't because he lives in an arid climate where water is scarce.

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How do you stop a black person from drowning?.. Take your foot off his head

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Q: Why does Billy get bullied at school? A: Because he has Down's Syndrome

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The First National Tree Bank just closed down. Don't worry it started a brand new branch.

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Roses are niggas Violets are niggas I'm lil Wayne niggas rhymes with niggas

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what do you call a black guy with a bachelor's degree? by his first name, "Carl".

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Two men walk into a bar and begin ordering drinks. Both men engage in polite conversation with each other. At the end of the night they each take taxi's home because they realize the potential risk they pose to others if they drive intoxicated.

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What did the fat confused man say? I am confused.

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What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

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What did one lawyer say to the other? Your son's coming to my son's birthday party, right?

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What do you do when you see a hot girl in your bed

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A musician without any music walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Who do you think you are, a hobbit?" The musician without any music says,"yeah" and turns into a hobbit

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A mans wife gets pregnant after he has a visectomy... She was artificially inseminated using sperm he froze before the operation

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky? It had no wings.

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How do you cheat your friend up Throw a BRIC at her face.

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A black man is running down the street with a purse in his hand. He was trying to catch up to the old woman who forgot it at the restaurant. She was very grateful.

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Knock knock Who's there Why? Why who? Why so serious?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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