I hate Mondays, the man said as he drove to work. Fortunately for him, it was a Wednesday.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia And so do I..

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why was the boy sad his whole family just died in a plane crash

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David Cameron

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Q: A vandal walked into a bar. What did the bartender say? A: Nothing, the vandal had covered him and the bar in pritt stick before he had the opportunity to speak, then left with his penguin accomplice, Reginald the third.

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How do you make a clown stop laughing? Hit him in the face with an ax.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A hat

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Yo momma so poor, she can't afford to live in a two story Cheerio box

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This is hypothetical remember, just examples with no roots in real life events. The problem with your former employee, was that he would easily have played the victim, certain organizations would have paid him a fortune for the intel he had collected, and surely also agreed to let him walk away, and get you and your small (relatively) crack team death penalty on the spot, just like the underground, you would have been branded terrorists simply because certain people would have earned billions by doing so. The wizard would most likely have gone free, as long as he shared every tiny bit of info, then the cops, the feds, would have blamed it all on you for being his supervisor, you would not have survived the ordeal, trust me.

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What did the coworker say about the new girls butt Nothing be cause he was quite the gentleman and wanted to be respectful ts the woman as she already had enough problems such as being hit by a bus and dying.

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Why are anti jokes so repetitive? Because you're reading too many, get off your computer.

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My dad is lactose intolerant. He shouldn't eat cheese.

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why could the black person jump higher than the white person. because the white person had no legs

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what happens when steven hawking walks into a bar? everyone cheers at the miracle of science.

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Jack: Hey, you know what sucks? Jill: Vacuums Jack: Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense? Jill: Black holes Jack: Hey, you know what just isn't cool? Jill: Lava?

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Why did the woman make so many sandwiches? She was a mother catering for her child's sporting event.

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I used to have a shirt just like yours, except it was green. And it was a bicycle.

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why did the black child cry? strange men cut his penis off

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You know whats annoying? Steve

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How many jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. It really isn't that hard.

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A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says "I wont serve you." The black man says, "Why? Is it because of the color of my skin?" The bartender says, "No, its because your wearing a suit and on the front door it says no people in suits are allowed." So the black man took off his suit and was kindly served.

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Why did 5 members of the Al-Qaeda walk into the bank? To make 5 seperate cash withdrawals

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What do you call the Doctor who graduated at the bottom of his class? Doctor.

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Going up to someone and saying, "my mom is dead and my dad tryd killing himself, can i have a ride home?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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