So my friend told me to go shot myself I got my Canon and shoot myself The image came out very clean and profession.

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A guy is at a party and he's really thirsty, so he goes to get a drink. He goes to get some soda, but the line is too long. He goes to get some water, but the line is also too long. He goes to get some punch, and it turns out there's no punch line.

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Why did the kid lay down? Because his legs were chopped off

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What's big, black, and impossible to swallow? A parking lot. Among many other things.

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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What do George Washington, JFK and Hillary Clinton have in common? They've never been to my house.

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock, whos there? Not sally

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Why did Julie fall off a swing? 'Cause she had no hands. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Julie, that's certain.

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What did the stick of butter say to the lemon? "I'm a stick of butter"

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What do you call a midget driving a train? A conductor

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"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I've climbed through your window, I'm under your bed.

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whats wores than eating a vag. a gaint vag eating you.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swings? Because I threw a refrigerator at her.

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What did the hobo get for Christmas? Hypothermia

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Why did the man drive a van? So he could keep the stuff he stole.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Ken. Can I some and use your toilet, I really need a shit.

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What came first? The chicken or the egg? The egg, because breakfast comes before dinner.

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a. why? b. because I wanted

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Two cats are sat on a window ledge. One cat looks to the other and says "Meoww".

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There are only three kind of people: people who can count and people that can't count

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It's okay we all love you, except me, and everyone else.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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