what cuts the grass on christmas eve and lives in mexico? JP I lied about Mexico jackin it in san diego

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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What did the Triceratops get for his birthday? Nothing. Dinosaurs are extinct.

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What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

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A man visits an anti joke site looking for some humor. realizing that its not funny, he closes the window.

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How do you make a cripple cry Cut of his legs, THEN telll him a joke

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Why did the man start a shooting spree at walmart? Because he is mentally unstable and people at walmart make easy targets.

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Roses are purple violets are green I am color blind shut up

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? About 1 or 2, then the neighbors would phone the police and you would be arrested for infanticide.

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What's the difference between a plum and an elephant? They're both purple except for the elephant.

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how do you get a dog to stop barking? you hit it with a stick.

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What do you call a black man with mishap-in head scares on the left side of his face and a 3rd degree burns on the right side? a very unfortunate guy.

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Chuck Norris will eventually die because he is a human being, just like all of us. His movies weren't very good either.

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Why did the man murder his wife? Because she would'nt do the the dishes

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How much dirt is in a 4 by 6 by 8 hole? None its a hole.

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What's white and sticky? A marshmellow.

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Whats tha difference between blacktop and an airplane wing??? Well, alot. I bet you knew that.

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Hey, do you wanna hear a joke? A joke.

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Well this is pointless.....

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why did the boy get hit by a bus because he dropped his ice cream

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If you dont see banners here it does mean they are not here. P.S Advertising helps fill our pockets and annoy you. Please be understanding in the fact that we will permaban you while grinning if you refuse to UNDER-stand our rule.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Its the pizza man. Get your yellow no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 1,2...10

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What did the Banana say to the human. Nothing, because bananas are not capable of talking

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Why doesn't Billy like his new step-dad? He's secretly a murderer and only Billy knows, he wants to tell the police but hes afraid to.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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