Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody because a pineapple is not a proper home

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Let me tell you this really funny Dane Cook joke.

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what's the difference between a black man and a tricycle well the black man's a human

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Your mother's so fat she occupies more space than a thin person does and is more likely to bump into environmental objects.

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What did superman say when he flew into a building? Flying is inhumanly possible unless in an aircraft vehicle.

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hi michael

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Q: what did one guy say to another guy? A: I don't know!

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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What would you do for a Klondike bar? Pay a reasonable sum of money.

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knock knock who's there the police you're under arrest for the kidnapping, and murder of 12 girls you have the right to remain silent anything you say or do can and will be used against you in the court of law

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My mother always said that jumping in piles of leaves was fun. That was before she died of pancreatic cancer.

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why couldnt the boy get into the pirate movie? he was hit by a mexican telephone server.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Wrong. What doesn't kill you could leave you in a parapledgic state.

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A guy walks into a bar. After only 10 minutes, he leaves. The bar closes in 10 minutes.

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Do you know what really hurts my feelings? Nerve damage.

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Yo momma, she so fat, she needs to buy extra-large clothes.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" After hearing this common expression, the horse looks up at the bartender. With this look, the bartender realizes that he has been speaking to I'll Have Another. Aware his faux pas, the bartender apologizes and pours him a free drink. The free drink does little for I'll Have Another's crushed dreams.

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What do you call a fucking idiotic douchebag with ebola? An ebloa paitent

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Hey Johnny what's after 2?? 3.

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You know what's real bullshit? That stuff that comes out of a bull's ass.

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Once upon a time there was a cowboy. He died. The end.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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