A horse finds himself sleeping in the ocean. Immediately, he decides to be a dolphin.

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How do you make a plumber cry? I'm sorry but our princess is in another castle.

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Whats the difference between a jew and a boy scout? The boy scout comes home from camp.

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how many jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one................ standing on a pile of dead babies.

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Ask your friend: Will you remember me in a week? Will you remember me in a month? Will you remember me in a year? Knock Knock. Who's there? How did you forget me already?!?

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A black man walks into a store with a ski mask on... what does he do?? he buys skiis.

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There's two blondes a black man and a camera man...

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Why did the kid get beaten up? -he was gay

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What did the tiger say to the jellyfish? Nothing; tigers can't talk. And if they could the chances of a tiger meeting a jellyfish would be very slim.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the American family left the McDonald's with freshly bought chicken nuggets in their possession, and needed to cross the road to return to their home and eat said chicken.

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Nothing. He made it home safely.

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A black woman and a white woman are in a bar. They don't talk to each other though because they don't know each other. THE END.

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can't drown babies in roast beef.

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Jerry Sandusky and two other men are on a cruise ship, when it suddenly starts to sink. The first man says, "save the children!" The second man says, "screw the children!" Jerry Sandusky drowned.

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If it looks like grass, smells like grass, and tastes like grass... Then you were honestly misled when ordering that salad.

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Why wasn't the white guy voted for president? He had down syndrome

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An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" The Irish man looks down at it, dumbfounded. "I have absolutely no idea," he says, and removes it.

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What starts with P and ends with O-R-N? Popcorn.

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Where do you find a ocean with no water. on a map. thumbs up for great jokes. please

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What is the deferince between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

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What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

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Q: What Did Alakazam Use To Listen Gangnam Style? A: He Used Psybeam.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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