What do you call an armless, legless man hanging on a wall? Art.

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How do you get a baby to be quiet? Put it in the oven for a few minutes

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Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. An impossible thing because he can't walk.

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Matthew Wyckoff

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when u cant say fuck say firetruck because it starts with f and it ends with uck ?firetruck?

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a loaf of bread.

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Knock knock, Who's there? The constable. Your husband was killed in a car crash.

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Q: What do you call a vacuum that doesn't suck stuff up? A: A broken vacuum.

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What's worse than smelly feet? Smelly hands.

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A man walked into a bar. He got drunk and left.

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Why did the black man cross the road? To rape the girl on the other side.

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What do you get when a sister and a brother have sex? A deformed child.

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Remember Y2K? That could have been bad.

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A women was driving along in her brand new, swanky, red ferrari when she spotted a red light in the distance. She stopped steadily, following the rules of the road. All of a sudden a loud bang came from behind her where a young driver had hit her at 50 mph. They both come to an abrupt stop and exited their vehicles. The women says "Idiot, you just hit me!" The boys says "oh don't worry, I have insurance."

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Q: How to make a man who suffers from hypochondria want to kill himself? A: You take a shet on his face.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is both blind and deaf, and doing so would put others in danger.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I'm not quite sure, but I just realized that my new pair of boxer briefs has ripped along the seam. Oh, and earlier this morning, I stubbed my toe pretty bad. The nail is all purple and the toe is all swollen, it was bleeding profusely until I put three bandages over the wound. It's still throbbing with pain. Oh, and also, a few months ago, I lost my job. It wasn't because I was constantly late or anything, it was more because as a server, I had been required to lift trays and stand and walk for the entirety of my shift. The only problem is, that about a year ago, I was involved in a serious car accident (once again, an occurrence that had not been due to my own actions). This car accident severed my spine in the L5 region. I can now barely walk for long periods of time, I find it impossible to run, I can no longer play sports and enjoy being a 21 year old male. I am in constant pain and it affects my breathing, my legs, the rest of my back, and also my teeth (due to the neurological connections dealing with the spinal cord). I am now currently looking for a new job, a more suitable job, to help sustain my hectic lifestyle. No, it is not a lifestyle of parties and what not, it is merely the lifestyle of living under roof and owning a used car. I have an alcoholic mother and my childhood was devoid a father. I raised myself, and to this day, I still have no family to help me through my financial struggles. I need nearly 2000 dollars in less than a week in order to pay all my bills, have my car fixed, and eat for another month. The only problem is, I have a dollar and 58 cents to my name. I wish I was this chicken, crossing roads, and what not, not just to get to the other side, but to live a better life. But, one can only wish.

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away? What about the vampires?

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What's funnier than Tom Cruise laughing like a badass? Chuck Norris

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a butcher's shop. The priest and the minister each by a pound of pork while the rabbi doesn't because one of the 613 Commandments is that a Jew shall not eat any animal with hooves.

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Walt disney Walks Into A Bar, The Bartender says "WOAH ITS WALT DISNEY!"

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What do you call two black people in the same sleeping bag? A newly married couple on their camping adventure honeymoon.

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Why did The white man loose his black friend? Because he ran away.

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Today, both my parents were killed in a car accient. FML.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops