Roses are red, Violets are blue, my dick is hard, and it's cumming for you.

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A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says that he will grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish for a duck". POOF! He got a duck. Then he says "I wish for a penguin". POOF! A penguin magically appears. He thought long and hard for his 3rd wish. Then he said "I wish I had a turtle" POOF! Suddenly out of nowhere the genie disappears. The man looked inside the magic lamp and saw a small turtle. The end.

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whats red round and gets smaller? a baby combing its hair with a potatoe peeler

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Your mom is so fat that her every day life if a struggle and she has to get gastric bypass surgery or else she is going to die

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Q: What do you call an orange if it isn't orange? A: Nothing. Chances are you won't see it until it has ripened.

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So a guy walks up to a gay guy and says: "You are a fag." The gay guy says: "That is very offensive, you jerk." So the guy says: "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know what it meant" and the gay guy says: "I accept your apology." Then the gay guy crosses the street and gets hit by a bus

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What do you call a deer with one eye? Nothing. The deer was transported to a specialist animal hospital and now has two working eyes, eliminating the purpose of this joke. We apologise for wasting your time.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey? Just a sort of mixed bird thing.

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Dora the explorer went on an adventure. sadly, all of the animals in the forest, including boots the monkey and swiper the fox, kill her as a sacrifice to an unknown God

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A stripper walks into a bar. She works there.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Knock knock. ... ... *after waiting 30 seconds or so to no answer, the knocker concludes there is no one home and decides to go home to take his son to soccer practice and work on his taxes, and maybe call his mother to see how her foot surgery went* Who's there? Oh.. This is awkward, I forgot why I was here in the first place. I have to go. Bye.

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A guy reads the bible Another guy shouts "spoiler alert, the main character dies"

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? ruh-ruh-blah-blah-bluh

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why didn't the baby cry once it came out of the womb? because it was a stillborn.

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What did the vibrator say to the condom? Watch, I'll get laid before you do!!!

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Why was the boat red and sticky? A boy dropped his slurpee. What were you thinking?!

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What's the difference between a baby and a tea bag? Tea bags don't scream when I dip them in boiling water

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Bro: Aww Dawg! What if they tell me I got da aids? Dawg!: Hey don worry bro, you gotta BE POSITIVE

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Paper or plastic? Yes...

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a man walks into the doctors office and says DOCTOR!, DOCTOR! IT HURTS TO BEND MY LEG!!! the doctor replies then dont bend your leg and the mans great pain eventually heals

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Are you thinking Arby's? No. My grandmother died of tuberculosis and it's troubling me.

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Two guys walked into a pub... and they totally redecorated it! It was brilliant.

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Knock knock Who's there The military, your son died last night.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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