A family walks into a talent agency. Talen agent says "Okay, what's your act called?" Dad replies "The Aristocrats!"

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Why did the tomato blush? It didn't, tomatoes are naturally red by colour.

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Why is it so hard to find slim fitting clothes in America? Because not many clothing stores carry them.

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Roses are Red, I have a phone, Nobody texts me, Forever alone.

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How did Moses make his tea? He steeped the tea leaves for around 5 minutes in hot water.

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What happened to the pig? It got turned into bacon like every other pig.

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What's green and if you eat it you die? A Biljarts table.

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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Why was the fat man crying? He was sentenced to the electric chair for a murder he didn't commit.

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A man asked a guy in a store for football cleats The guy got all confused because footballs cannot wear cleats

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whats the difference between an orange and a dead baby? one is a tasty treat and the other is an orange

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Why did the asian man crash? He fell asleep after a long 18 hour day of driving, plus he was listening to soothing soul music.

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A man walk's into a bar with a monkey, I fotgot the rest of the joke. Your mom is a whore.

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How do you make a lumberjack cry? Kill his family

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a smoke dectecter, You died in a fire

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Q: Whats the difference between a trash can full of dead babies, and a porch? A: A porch isnt in my garage.

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took my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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whats black & white the colombo school shooting citv footage

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. What does he order? Nothing. The horse was incapable of speaking English then shat on the floor, kicked over a chair and then left.

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A small mexican boy saves up enough money to buy his very own skateboard. His mother is dead.

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There once was a man from Nantucket He decided to sail to Portland Now he lives in Portland.

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whats the difference between marmalade and jam? you cant marmalade ur cock up a girls arse

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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