Two Jews walk into a pub. They don't order a ham sandwich.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No Idear. What do you call a deer with no legs or no eyes? Still no idear.

Why did the old man lose his cane? He didnt. He had alzheimers

sky silverstein

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

Why did the young boy hit the other young boy? Because the other young boy was bullying his friend and he thought it was time he should stand up for himself and take control of the situation.

What noise did Helen Keller make when she fell out of the window? None. She wasn't aware that she was falling and died immediately upon impact. @rowakaflocka

What time is it? 2:47 PM.

Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

why cant the porcupine marry the balloon? ...neither one can talk.. obviously.

Do you believe that if I theoretically am unmatched in many ways, would feel less alone if I decided to become more like the rest?

A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

Why was Timmy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face

Why was the man arrested? He assaulted and raped an elderly woman at the local Walmart. He then proceeded to hijack the poor woman's Scooter and lead police on a 4 mile long car chase.

why did everyone laugh at the kid in the wheel chair as he entered the room? he was poor

Why couldn't the farmer drive his tractor He had no arms why didn't he have arms Because he was a potato

why did tiarnan not ride hi bike to school today? Tiarnans dead

Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal with lots of basketball players? Because they will be focussing entirely on discussing tactics (especially if there is an upcoming game), and therefore will probably not be displaying good manners or making polite mealtime conversation.

When making an Anti-Joke, you click the button that says: 'I have read and agree to the terms of service' What are you called? A Liar.

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

Why is Michael J. Fox so go at dance? Because he took lesson as a child

I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. I suffer from a debilitating sleep disorder.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It escaped.

roses are red violets are blue you smell like poo I F*****G HATE YOU!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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