two guys r talking and the one said *i swear to god* and the other one said *u swear what to god what the hell r u talking about i dont even know u*

thumb_up thumb_down -38

what did I say to myself nothing because its very weird to talk to your self

thumb_up thumb_down -38

why did the black child cry? strange men cut his penis off

thumb_up thumb_down -38

A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

What did Tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill!

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Which is funnier: a sack of coal or a sack of old clothes? Neither is particularly funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. They all broke beyond repair.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

hello anomonous

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Why did the angry kid press the button? The button said "press here angry kid"

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What's worse than being raped? Finding out it was your uncle.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Where do cows get cultured? They don't, they get slaughtered first.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Non-Anti-Joke.com!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Q: Why did Sarah fall off the swings? A: She had no arms Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

yo momma so fat that she needs to lose weight

thumb_up thumb_down -42

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A broken boomerang

thumb_up thumb_down -42

What looks like Micheal Jackson but isn't Micheal Jackson A black guy

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Your momma is so hot your dad married her. She then slept around with other men. Your dad found out and now they're divorced.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Q: What is black, white and red all over? A: Interracial sex during the time which the bible has decreed as abhoration.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

knock knock who's there boo Jenny had a heart attack due to the scare, she was taken to hospital and died

thumb_up thumb_down -44

What do you do when you have a baby and your being shot by a terrorist. You use the baby as a shield.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A catfish could never pass the LSAT because it is unable to perform high-level critical thinking.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Hi my names Sarah and I love baby's. I don't think I could eat a whole one though

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops