Harry to Voldemort: Your mother is so fat, her patronus is a cake!

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Really sorry Red, I did not mean to leave you hanging, and I hope you wont leave me hanging either, I just need my meds or thinks can get ugly, my health, I can tell you and even show you what my condition is, and heck show you my meds, but there are certain things even I wont spread on horsehead network, you know, people are so bitchy here on the internet, and if people knew what I got, yeaaah, I may start getting green thumbs, and I HAAAAAAATE those. Seriously, on a scale of zero (my ass) to ten, how insane do you see me as?

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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What looks good hanging from trees? Spanish moss.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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I'm currently on a seafood diet That is, I only eat seafood.

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What's the difference between a duck?

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What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? Fuck.

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two hippo's were in the lake. The water was up to their eyes. What did one hippo say to the other? I don't know why but i keep thinking it's tuesday.

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what's the easiest way to tell time? a clock

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What did the frog say when it was attacked? Ribbit.

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Two guys stopped at a restaurant for coffee. "I'll have a mug of strong coffee," said the first. The second said, " I'll have strong coffee too, but I want a clean mug." The waiter returns and says, "which one of you wants the clean mug?"

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Roses are red and i like Pie but seriously, i don't care if you die

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Why was the black guy sitting in the back of the bus? Because there were no more seats available in the front.

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Whats worse than one dead Baby in ten trash cans Getting raped by kobe

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Why is this website called anti-jokes? i don't know but it makes sense.

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Charles missed the stop sign. Charles can't read.

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whats white and smells like onions? an onion..

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Q: What's worse than being raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by 2 giant scorpions, a fridge, some potatoes and a hule bunch of worms.

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What do you call a person who is black? A black person.

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There once was a man named bulagala moo moo boom chicka boom. Sometimes, when wipe the toilet tissue breaks and my fingers get all dirty. Good thing I have insurance!

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Why was Martin Luther King shot? The shooter strongly disagreed with his viewpoints.

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Why did the horse say moo? Because it's a cow

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Why did the football player walk so funny? He went to Penn State!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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