What time is it? 2:47 PM.

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When life throws you lemons, Throw grenades.

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An old asian woman is driving down the freeway a drunk driver merges into her lane. Everyone is ok because she keeps a safe distance behind.

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Why didn't John get a present for Christmas? Because John died eight months ago.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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a boy walks into a hospital ward, and procedes to break down into tears because his family died

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How do you stop a air plane? You throw small infants into the turbine.

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What is the worst joke to tell a Orphan? Knock Knock Who's there Not your parents ( Man than slams door in little girls face)

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Shut up, I already got that before you said it, typed it, whatever I do not give a fuck, I want the last word because, reasons of millions. I love you Nero come visit me sometime, wait ill come visit you, yes yes, but now shut up, I want the last word, because I made myself your bitch! You know its not what I mean the other way but then around again, I think, you are my I made myself your bitch, no wait, keep reading, you are, my bitch master..., pretty please let me have the last word? Never fucking mind! Have the last word, I surrender, I totally surrender I want my nose back XD.

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"You just went and made a new dinosaur?" "And due to its well-developed core muscles the staff behind Jurassic World has called it - 'ABDOMINUS PEX'." "That's a stupid name."

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Why would Bill Clinton like Jess so much? Cause he has a vagina, smells like shit, and has cankles.

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Why did the clown's ballon animal pop? He was a victim in a drive by shooting.

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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Why didnt sally throw out her lunch? Her mom had a miscarriage, she was never born.

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There was three women stuck on an island, a blonde, a brunette and a ranga. They are saved days later.

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Your momma's so stupid she stuck a power cable up her ass. Shortly after she died

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What is yellow, has wheels, and lies on its back? A school bus in a terrible accident.

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Hey, what do you call an absent-minded person? I'm sorry what did you say?

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How many drugs does it take for Eminem to sing in a live concert? Enough.

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Q: What has no color, no shape, no size, and was born in your mind? A: The thought you just had about this anti-joke.

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who is really lanky? james cornish

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A vulture gets on a transatlantic flight with a dead animal in each claw. The flight attendant stops him, and says "I'm sorry, sir, only one piece of carrion per passenger allowed"

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Whats better than 7 babies tied to 1 tree 1 baby tied to 7 trees

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall?? A: It depends on how hard you throw them!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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