How do you get santa to stop delivering presents? Kill your parents.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Nineteen terrorists walk into three airports. Several hours later, thousands of people are dead sending the world into a state of emergency that subsequently changed how we live our current lives under the constant threat of both government oppression and extremist terrorism.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Question: What is worse then a worm in your apple? Answer: A number of different things I would imagine...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What does Pluto and a creamsicle have in common? Neither of them are a planet.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the man not get his licence He was blind

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? Ok

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A.Because that's where it wanted to go.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

It's raining, its pouring, the old man is snoring. He bumps his head, and is quickly rushed to the ER for serious head trauma

thumb_up thumb_down +16

You know what they say... Once you go black you...have gone down the road of diversity and it's impossible to back track and return to ones previous misconceptions.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the homosexual give in his secret box? important papers from work.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do Jerry Sandusky and Michael Jackson have in common? They both had sex with little boys.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's worse than finding 16 dead babies in a tree? Finding 1 dead baby in 16 trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats funnier than a dead baby? a dead baby in a clown costume!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

knock knock..... ding dong...... knock knock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they weren't home

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy. But I have Alzheimer's... Hey, I just met you...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

roses are red violets are blue sunflowers are yellow I bet you were expecting something romantic but this is just gardening facts

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you get four gay men on one stool? You get three more stools.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red, violets are blue shut the hell up, and sit the hell down

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's the difference between your mom and a table? The table isn't a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? How the hell should I know? I'm not a chicken :/

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats white and black and red all over? A panda that has just been shot by a poacher.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man walked into a bar. He got a concussion and couldn't see strait for days.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How did the blonde trip the brunette? She stuck out her foot

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops