Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black I'm blind

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Barack Obama.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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What do you call a white guy in a mostly black neighborhood? His name.

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I have a black friend that recently went to the doctor for a full checkup. I saw him today, and he we was dressed to the nines in a very expensive suit. "What's with the suit," I asked. "My doctor told me I'm impotent! So I thought, if I'm going to be impotent, then it'll be harder to attract a long term mate without the ability to give her children someday. So I've decided to showcase my impeccable taste in style to make up for it." He seemed really bummed out, so I gave him a hug and we went and had some ice cream.

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What's big and looks like a mushroom? A Mushroom.

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What's funny and old? I really do'nt know

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What's the hardest part of walking through a pile of dead babies? My penis.

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

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Your momma's so fat she has a hard time finding clothes to fit

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What's funny about anti-jokes? Nothing.

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If you're jumping rope, and both the tires are flat, how much frosting would it take cover the staircase? Rocket!

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What is brown and can't get an erection? Poo

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The next sentence is true. The previous statement is false.

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Doctor: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that your parents survived the car accident. Kid: And the bad news is? Doctor: I have a horrible sense of humor, they're both dead. I'm so sorry.

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Mr. Krabs lives in bikini bottom (pinch pinch)

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What did the pineapple say to the apple? Nothing, neither can speak.

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KNOCK KNOCK who's there? OUCH! what's your door knob made of? nails?

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Why was the little girl not allowed to see the pirate movie? It was sold out.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was dead.

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what is big white and hurts when it falls on you out of tree? A refrigerator

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Yo mama so fat she makes blind kids cry

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Hey look i just made a jo... shit.

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There is a black guy a white guy and a Mexican, whose driving. The other black guy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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