A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says that he will grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish for a duck". POOF! He got a duck. Then he says "I wish for a penguin". POOF! A penguin magically appears. He thought long and hard for his 3rd wish. Then he said "I wish I had a turtle" POOF! Suddenly out of nowhere the genie disappears. The man looked inside the magic lamp and saw a small turtle. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the boy get hit by a bus? HE didn't. He watched where he was going.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I ran out of anti-jokes. However, here's a cool math puzzle. 492 357 816 Using every number from 1-9, each row added up equals to 15, horizontally, vertically, and diagonally. Here's another cool word play TEA URN BAY Words horizontally are Tea, Urn, Bay Words vertically are Tub, Era, Any Words diagonally are Try, Bra

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why did Sallt fall off the swings? she had no arms knock knock who's there not Sally

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man tells a blonde "you are what you eat" and she replies "well, i don't think I've eaten any sexy beasts today.'

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did Little Tommy get for chirstmas? An explanation that Santa is a lie.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How many cans does the average alcoholic drink in one night? None. Cans are solid and therefore cannot be drank.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Try this on your friends and make them look dumb So a plane crashes on the border between the USA and Canada. Where do you bury the survivors? You don't bury the survivors.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the little boy want to sleep with his parents in their bed on the only night in weeks they'd planned to have sex? His bedroom was on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A black man walks into a bar. He paid his tab and couldn't have been more polite.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you get when you cross The Incredible Hulk and King Kong? Two angry fictional characters.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you stop a lumberjack? You thrust a javelin through his lungs

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did Adolf Hitler Start WWII and kill millions of Jews? Because he was a poweful dictator

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you do when a black person steals your computer Inform the authorities, as theft is a felony.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

yo mama is so old, so old that she was given senior citizen discount at the restaurant.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue,All you HATERS of J. Bieber, Go suck your MOTHER.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did Helen Keller name her dog? A. Spot

thumb_up thumb_down -10

roses are red violets are blue daffodils are yellow pansies are pink

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What were the pilots' of Malaysia Airlines Missing plane favourite programs? Lost...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

"Do you like pie?" "No." "Do you like blueberries?" "No." "I have something you won't like." "Is it a blueberry pie?" "No, I shagged your wife last night".

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A Black Child just received his ivy-league diploma and hugged his dad.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Yo Momma is SO FAT, THAT she has an increased risk of cardiac arrest due to her blood pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops