how do you stop a baby from crying? Slit its throat

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they say a rolling stone gathers... speed until it reaches maximum potential speed and cannot go any faster.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing, he found his tractor and went back to work.

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two flowers in a meddow recently bloomed a cow came over and ate them, and the cow died of herpes the next day

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Why did the chicken cross the road? For a legitimate reason

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What did the farmer say after the chicken started talking? Holy shit a talking chicken.

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So the word RAPING does not work unless you type it in caps? Raping... Did it censor? No? Never mind then... Wow, catchphra Never mind... Its a sign X-files theme.... Teleports at your house: Hah bitch never you ugly, or not ugly enough... Urgh, nevermind, I mean some ugly chicks know their stuff but you know... Anyway NeroMetal The sociopath not the fucking Cultist piece of shit that use my morals as a code system? YOU THINK WE THE SAME? EEEEEEH! Me raping you says we are not... And ill find you ;) Or your sister or your mom, I mean h0m0? You think im a pervert or something?

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Why was the black man drowning? His boat sank.

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What burns like hell? Gonorrhea.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mountainous mound of slain human offspring? There is none, the second is conferred to the subject of a conversation using a highly advanced vernacular.

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A man is boarding a plane. The attendant asks if he has a passport. The man says no, and leaves.

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, Everything's grey, I'm a dog.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. Why did the baby fall off the swing? Because i hit it with a bat.

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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Bacon makes everything delicious, yes? And coffee makes everything exciting, yes? Put the two together and you get a caffeinated porky roller coaster in your mouth.

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Bill: Hey Bob guess what? Bob:What? Bill: your adopted

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What is big, red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater

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why did Susie fall of the swing? she had no arms Knock Knock Who`s there? not Susie

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Women's rights.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, nor does the chicken because it's a chicken.

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a horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?", the horse incapable of understanding the English language promptly shits on the floor and eats a bar stool.

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What kind of dance does an alien do? None, aliens aren't real.

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Why are the deserts so dry? Obama

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Mike lost his arms in a car accident. Knock knock Who's there? Not Mike.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops