How do you make a baby cry Throw a brick at its face

thumb_up thumb_down +42

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down +42

"Hey want to hear the best knock-knock joke ever." "Sure." "Ok you start." "Knock-knock." "Whos there?" "..........."

thumb_up thumb_down +42

How did the newborn baby come out of a man? It was ejaculated as a sperm from his testicles

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why did Bill fall out if his chair? He was hit by an airplane.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why did Julie fall off a swing? 'Cause she had no hands. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Julie, that's certain.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was black.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A shark walks into a bar. The bartender asks someone to call animal control to remove the nearly-dead sea creature from his bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Some anti-jokes are funny, some are not!

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa Claus is a fictional old man who flies around delivering gifts, while Tiger Woods is a professional golfer.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What's black, white, and red all over? A pile of dead nuns.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A man says hello to his best friend in the morning like he always does. Why did his best friend not reply? The mans best friend is not real and is actually a figment of the mans imagination because he has been suffering from a severe case of schizophrenia his whole life and has many imaginary friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A Jew, a black man and a Christian enter a bar. Black people werent allowed in at the time so he was escorted out. The Jew And Christian have a blast and the time of their lives that night.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Because Goofy can walk on two legs, and is therefore superior to Pluto in Walt Disney's eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Q: How do you make scrach paper? A: Take a paper and scrach it.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A man walks into a bar, he then gets a giant bump on his head as he passes out and is rushed to the hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs laying on your driveway? You call him by his name

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Whats black and blue and doesnt bruise? a bruise.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

whats better than 1,000,000 dollars? 1,000,001 dollars

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Violets are blue Roses are red I stabbed you 37 times in the chest Now you're dead

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's brown and sticky? Poop.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Yo mama's so fat, she weighs 283 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops