What is the difference between my dog and my girlfriend? I love my dog

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. i have Alzheimer's, cheese on toast.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Why'd the guy fall off the building? I pushed him

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how do you stop santa from laughing? snap his neck.

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I used to be addicted to soap, but now I'm clean. I'm still addicted to heroin, though. No chance I'm ever giving that up.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a women.

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What happens when you ask a blind guy to drive you somewhere? What happens if you ask a blind guy to drive? You will end up in a four way accident with 8 people dead 2 of which children and 1 baby. You might survive but the blind guy won't so you will have to go to court for him on the issue. You realize that you are terrible when it comes to the law and you get yourself thrown in jail for 2 years. When you get out you are so tired of getting butt raped that you go out and do it to someone else. Then you go back to jail an the process repeats it's self because this is the American justice system. We could work on it a little bit. But yeah, don't ask a blind guy to drive, your butt says thanks.

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Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

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What do you call a lot of goose in one place? geese

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Why did Timmy miss school? He was killed in a tragic school bus accident

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Where would canada be without nature? still here

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Why did the Asian crash her car? Someone shit on her windsheild.

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What did the drunk man say to his wife? "I love you, Honey"

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What's worse than rotten eggs? Being dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause he felt like it.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks: "why the long face?" The horse replies: "my wife has terminal cancer."

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why was there no toothpaste left in the toothpaste tub? someone squeezed it all in a drawer

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Why did the turtle take so long on his run? Because he never went on a run he walked.

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Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

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A man looks both ways before crossing the street. He gets hit by an airplane.

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What's big, black, and impossible to swallow? A parking lot. Among many other things.

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What do you do when you see a black man getting hitted by a Mexican taxi? -Call 911

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops