I have magical powers. Try your best to not to follow these instructions: Ready? Go. You are now blinking your eyes. (strike 1) You are now breathing voluntary. (strike 2) You suddenly have an itch somewhere on your body. (strike 3) You lost. Thanks for playing my little game. Hope you enjoy thinking of a flying pink elephant with wings.

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Roses are red violets are red I think I'm bleeding It's getting in my eyes

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Why are you a chicken? Because I say cock-a-doodle doo

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so 3 guys are a plane George W. Bush, a mexican, and a chinese man. the plane is going down because of too much weight they haave to throw things out. The mexcan throws out a suitcase full of tacos and says "we have enough of this in out country" Then the chinese throws out a suitcase full of rice and says "we have enough of this in out country" Then George W. Bush pushes the mexican out and says "we have to enough of these in out country."

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Why did the kid poo his pants? Because he was Matt Daly

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How many blondes does it take to replace a light bulb? Well, it depends if the person is blond or not. Also the person's age, as kids may not understand this proses at all.

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Why'd the dead man cross the road? He didn't, he was dead, therefore incapable of doing anything at all.

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What did the Watermelon say to its baby? I'll SEED you later!

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Why was the jewish boy crying? i lied he was happy.

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Know what's funny? Jokes.

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What's red and funny? The holocaust

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why dose micheal jackson like 29 year olds Because there is 20 of them

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Why cant Stevie Wonder read? Because he is blind

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why did the woman commit suicide? because 2+2=4

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One day a man discovered he could suck his own penis. Unfortunately he was heterosexual and could derive no pleasure from doing so as he was acutely aware of the fact he had a penis in his mouth.

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what do you do when see a young girl crying on the swingset? ask her kindly to move, as you would like a turn

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How much do polar bears weigh? Between 800 and 1600 pounds

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Justin Port#$ falls out of a tree. What happens? he breaks his neck and unfortually dies a long painful death.

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So a guy walks in to a bar.... and orders a beer.

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How many are in a baker's dozen? 12 bakers

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whats worse than getting bit by a tick. getting bit by a deer tick that as lyme disease.

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josh moran where your Bluetooth gone?

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Q: When you have alot of hair, what are you? A: Obease

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Why did the man commit suicide? He was depressed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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