The man walked into the church and stayed there.

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A man walked into a room and said to his friend, "I am about to show you something amazing." He claps twice and the lights turn on. He is using a device called The Clapper made by Joseph Enterprises, Inc. using advanced technology that was patented in 1985.

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how old is god? i don't know thats why i'm asking you. by: Brennan pickrell

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My gifts to my gf included: A diamond ring, a sports car, a house in malibu, a new credit card, a private jet, but most importantly, a Refrigerator.

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How do you stop a baby crying? You don't. Just walk away.

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Four turtles once fell into nuclear waste. They remained unnoticed and later died from exposure to radiation.

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silver bullet?

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Q. what do you call mexican stoners A. baked beans

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Its Eliza, hope you are still there, would you mind getting here sooner? This site is not safe, besides its cold here, I mean send somebody else if you got to, I might look frail but Nero taught me a thing or two, so I can honestly say that Nero taught me better than you guys just in case. Funny you say there is no code, yet add three, yeah you better expect nothing "fancy", Mr.Torture dungeon master. Honestly though I do not blame you, and if I really meant you where a psycho, I would not have agreed/asked you showed up, I am serious I need to get out of here.

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Tifa my ass, if that is your name buddy, then I am Nicholas Cage, or why do you not just call me Cloud Strife? Seriously, if you are a guy just say it and get lost, I will still honor my agreement and show up and see what I can do for your little order though, you pay the trip and the stay of course.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house? Neither has he.

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Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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Why was the fat guy so sad? Because he knew he would die sooner or later, just like every other human being

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Stop me if you heard this one before.

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Why is the black guy jobless? He's 3 years old.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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Q:What did Sandy say to Spongebob? A:Nothing, They were both crushed by the water pressure of being on the bottom of the ocean.

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When does a cat not land on its feet? When it lands on its back.

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How do you get through a locked door? Unlock it.

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a man walks into a bar he suffer's bad injuries by Mad

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Q: Why shouldn't you throw rocks at a black guy on a bike? A: Because he could sustain serious injury if a rock hits him in the head, not to mention it is extremely rude.

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How many holes can you poke in my chest, When my chest is by far the best If you believe you can stab Then then grab a knife...that you can grab Skewer my breast Which lies on the best chest And you will discover A man under your covers Yes, keep on pokin' Poke my chest with the knife you are strokin' And then swallow a chode because you are stupid.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put my sausage in your oven

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You know what really chaps my ass? Thongs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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