Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using my hand but thinking of you.

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What's slippery when wet? A wet slipper.

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How does a person with Alzheimers' poem go? Roses are red, Roses are red, Roses are red, Wait, what was I doing?

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-Is your refrigerator running? -Yes. -Just wondering.

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Q: What were little Jonathon's grandmas last words before dying of Alzheimer's? A: Who are you?

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So, there's a black man, an Asian man and an Irishman who are in a bar, politely discussing wether the Asian's phone would break if it was thrown from a plane in the Pacific Ocean. The black man says "Of course it would break." The Irishman says "I have no opinion on this..." The Asian man says "I think it would break, you are right John." Suddenly, a man enters.

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What musical band do you get if you keep shouting while in the mountain? The rolling stones. What do you get if you keep shouting in a snow covered mountain top? Blizzard Entertainment.

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What's the difference between Jesus and a painting? It only takes one nail to hang up a painting.

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What did the very inquisitive poor black guy say to the very rich white man at the train station? Nothing, they didn't know each other. And they both had their iPods in. And they were at different train stations. And they were in different countries. And the black guy died 20 years ago.

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What did the people say to each other when they ate the orange? Orange you glad I didn't eat you:) HAHAHAA orange you glad that I am good at telling jokes!

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When life gives you lemons. Don't take things from strangers

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Why was the boy crying? Because he got hit by a bus. Why did he get hit by a bus? Because his mom was laughing. Why was his mom laughing? Because she was driving the bus. Why was she driving the bus? Because the boy fell off a swing. Why did he fall off a swing? Because he didn't have any arms. Why didn't he have any arms? Because his diabetic monkey had the flu. Why did his diabetic monkey have the flu? Because the boy was crying.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, Retinal Hemorrhage.

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what did the unicorn say to the centaur? nothing because neither exist

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A White guy invites his Black friends into his house, he says "Make yourself at home." THEY DO

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Physics. Why did Tommy fall of his bike? He was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator.

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What happened when Chuck Norris jumped into the pool? He then got water on him, and later had to dry off.

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What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

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this is just a tribute to the greatest anti-joke ever told as I can't quite remember how it went, but you gotta beleive me, you just had to be there, it's a matter of opinion.

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What was so sad about the white woman who dropped her Starbucks? It fell on her baby in a nearby stroller giving it third degree burns, disfiguring its face.

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A boy asked his dad Why are Chinese eyes like that. His dad replied there concentrating that's why there so smart The boy went up to a student in his class and said look I'm like you The teacher asked who told him that he said his dad The dad was called up by the school when the teacher told him what his son did he went GOOZILLA His wife asked him what he was up to and he said farting on her face when she was a sleep 3 days later he found out his wife was cheating on him he knocked on the door only to realize he was on drugs and that he never had a family.

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A man goes to the pound to adopt a dog and sees a very shaggy dog and says "WOW! Thats a shaggy dog I'll take it!" So the man takes home his new dog and decides to enter the dog in the towns anual shaggy dog contest. and wins. After winning the town shaggy dog contest he moves up to the county shaggy dog contest. theres no competition. Now the man and his dog enter into the state shaggy dog contest, the states shaggiest dogs are all competing. the man wins. Finally the man and his dog are in the prestigious national shaggy dog contest. The judge walks up to the man and says "your dog isn't very shaggy"

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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs buried 6 feet under the ground? Doug What do you call a guy with no arms and legs buried 3 feet under the ground? Douglas

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Your momma is so fat that she could benefit from loosing a couple of pounds.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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