What's green, smelly, and in a swamp? Casey Anthony's Baby

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Astyanax mexicanus, a subspecies of Mexican tetra that lives in a subterranean habitat and as such has structurally degenerate eyes that have atrophied over the course of evolution.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Patient: Doctor Doctor! Every Time I Drink Some Tea, My Eye Is Really Sore! Doctor: Next Time Take The Spoon Out...

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: How many dead babies does it take to fill a mixing bowl? A: There is an infinite amount of answers to this question depending on the sizes and shapes or the dead babies, so lets assume that an average would probably be about 4 babies that dies just as the left the mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Paul was mowing his lawn when he felt a bump. It turned out it was a bunny. Paul felt bad but the bunny felt worse

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Whats the difference between a jew and firewood? Firewood is meant to be burned in a stove or firepit while jews are functioning members of society.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock, knock. Who's there? Me, your friend George! You don't remember me! Oh. Sorry. I'm kidding. I'm a robber.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why couldn't Billy drive? He had no arms. Why did he have no arms? Thalidomide.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What is the difference between a jew and girl scouts. Girl scouts come back from camp

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Haikus are good poems, They don't always make sense though, I saw a squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

who's specky and stinks of shit? josh moran

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did one Teacher say to the other teacher? Nothing. The first teacher has a horrible drinking habbit which is getting out of hand, He beats his wife and children each night after his drinks at the bar. His parents have stopped all contact and he found some divorce papers in his wifes draw, also saying she would be getting full costudy of the children. He has lost the majority of his friends and didnt want to loose another one, and kept his problems to himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Yo mama's so fat, that when she jumped, gravity pushed her back to the floor!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

a man checks his brand new cellphone to see if he has a text message... He has cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what smells like diarrhea and looks like diarrhea? diarrhea stupid

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What happens when a blind man walking crashes in to man that's talking to his gang ? He wakes up in a ditch

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Want to hear a dirty joke? The horse fell in the mud

thumb_up thumb_down -5

whats black and goes to newy high Manyiel

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Two little boys are talking to each other: - My dad's dick is soo biig! - Eh, my dad's dick is small but it still hurts...

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you get when a person and a cat try to have a child of some sort? Nothing because there chromosomes don't match, and there for physically impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the chicken cross the traffic filled road? To get to your house. Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken delivery.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What makes Amish bread different than regular bread? It's made by Amish people

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops