A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "I just found out my wife has cervical cancer."

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What did Steve say when his leg got chopped off? Nothing, he went into a state of shock before blacking out due to loss of blood. Later on, he died, and a week later, a funeral was held, in which nobody showed up, because nobody cared for Steve.

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What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Well, a pizza is edible object provided for human consumption, and a jew is a holy human being believing in the prophet abraham.

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Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "Yes, I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater." Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?" Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?" "No." "Then you're gay!"

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What did the pillow say to it's owner? Nothing. Pillows are not able to talk.

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Little Timmy enjoyed school He went to Sandy Hooks

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What do you call a dog? A cat. What do you call a cat? A banana.

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How do u say hi to a black person JUST SAY HI RACIST

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How many Alzheimer patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side!

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What do you get when Justin Bieber mates with a beaver? Nothing, the species are too genetically different to produce offspring

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You know what happens when you assume? You make a judgment based on incomplete information.

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Who jumps the highest in basketball? The mascot because he has a trampoline.

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my egg roll

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What's Rupert bear's middle name? the

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Pickles are powerful

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There's a blind man walking on the south coast of England. He walks off a cliff.

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Whats black, white, and read/red all over? What? Michael Jackson after his surgery.

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Hello! I am Harry Potter, and i will be teaching you pottery today! Yes, call me Mr. Pottery!

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When life gives you melons you may be dyslexic.

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What do you call it when Justin Beiber has sex with a woman? Intercourse.

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What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

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Did you hear the one about the koala bear that fell out of the tree? Yeah it died.

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What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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