If life hands you melons. Your probably dyslectic.

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what is the difference between my pubes and my actualy hair on my head.... my pubes didnt fall off when i went trough chemo

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Why was the boy crying? Because he got hit by a bus. Why did he get hit by a bus? Because his mom was laughing. Why was his mom laughing? Because she was driving the bus. Why was she driving the bus? Because the boy fell off a swing. Why did he fall off a swing? Because he didn't have any arms. Why didn't he have any arms? Because his diabetic monkey had the flu. Why did his diabetic monkey have the flu? Because the boy was crying.

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A Russian drinking something other than vodka.

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What do you call a clock that neither ticks nor tocks? A broken clock

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A Muslim walks into a bomb shop. Unfortunately for the bomb shop owner, the Muslim was a police officer. He proceeded to arrest the owner and the employees of the store, as it turned out that the selling of these particular explosive devices were illegal. They ended up in jail, and justice was served.

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Sometimes I don't make sense, but when I do, I don't

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Why did the boy get his head slammed in a car door? Because his mother did not love him, and thought it was an appropiate action.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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A blind man walks in a bar I mean like a metal bar But it didn't hurt He only laught

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A kid goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor! it hurts when I do this!" The Doctor says, "Well, because you have been diagnosed with ALD, and to make matters worse you are allergic to rapeseed oil" The child then cries because he will never live past 40 years old

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How do you make a dog say meow? Freeze it and put it through a woodchipper. (MEROWRRRR)

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when debbie meets downer

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what happens when you step on a bear trap? Alot of pain.

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That would mean that you are not its leader, or that you are, the result would have been the same, if you are the "head honcho" they would have gone for you, and your employees. Now, if you are an employee, they would have gone for your leader, and of course you. So between us and nobody else really its fucking antijoke, are you the leader?

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If pro- is good or favored and con- is bad, then why do people favor the constitution and stay away from prostitution?

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what does the monster eat after going to the dentist? the dentist

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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whats worse than being out in the cold? Being on the sun.

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You know what makes me smile? Face muscles.

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what is the only thing in the world that can pick up 1000 jews at once? A vacuum cleaner

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How many blondes does it take to screw a lightbulb? There's too little information to come up with a reasonable answer.

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What's worst then a road kill? Multiple road kils.

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What's clear and smells like alcohol? Probably alcohol, genius.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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