Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Chuck Norris walks in to a bar then many people greet him because of his celebrity status.

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whats funny? when isreal special forces hunted down nazis after ww2 and killed the fucks

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Why did the boy miss the toilet when he was peeing? Cause he was in the shower.

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My mom farted, now it smells, ewe. My mom just took of her shirt, BONER! My, friends mom took off her shirt, now he has a boner. We both have boners, and it smells bad. This is weird, me and my friend are very similar, except my mom farted and his mom did not. Now I hate my mom. UN-BONER!

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How hot was the blonde considering she was in Africa for the first time and it was 103 degrees, very

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- Knock, knock. -- How many dead babies does it take to cross the street and walk into a bar? - That's an odd question to ask to a visitor. -- Your mom.

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What is small, red, and can't fit through a doorway? A baby with a spear through its head. Posted By: Lram

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Why did the mother stop breastfeeding her son? Because he was twenty five.

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Llega San Pedro le dice a dios y se va.

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Q:Why do you never run over black guy on a bicycle A: Because that is not a very nice thing to do

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(Mortal Kombat Annihilation) Princess Kitana: "Mother, you're alive" Sindel: "Too bad you, will die" (Troll 2) "They're eating her. And then they're gonna me. Oh my gawwwwwwwwd." (The Room) Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshitt! I did not hit her! [throws water bottle] Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark. Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?

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Why can't Helen Keller drive Umm, She's dead

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? He said : "where's my tractor?!"

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Why does the rabbit go in the hole? because that's where it lives.

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Whats worse than one dead Baby in ten trash cans Getting raped by kobe

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, and so do I.

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty six year old's? I am twenty one and prefer older ladies as I find them more experienced and mature.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other... Uh oh. A car just ran it over.

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whats white and smells like onions? an onion..

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Why did the girl take a shower? Because she was dirty

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What has red dots and is yellow all over A poisonous frog

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A black man walks into a bar in Alabama, he then proceeds to have a couple of drinks and leaves.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting your car repossessed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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