Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because it died

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What did the old man say after he fell down? nothing.

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Knock knock Who's there? A fireman. You're house burned down.

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How do you know you're crazy? Consult the pink pheasent to your left

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Doctor doctor, i think i need glasses! Go to an opticians then...

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Me:Oh wait, I got a joke! Friends:Oh boy, what is it? Tell us! Me:..my grandma died.. *Everyones silent* Some random guy:Oh haha, I get it! Me:Shut up, you have no friends. Some random guy: Oh........

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This is a haiku. Not a very good haiku, But still a haiku.

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Why did Emily fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Emily.

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black people

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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bench? a bench is a structure designed for sitting and a Mexican is a person born in Mexico.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Jason. Jason who? The person who is answering the door hears a chainsaw start up and suddenly realizes that Jason is the murderer from Friday the Thirteenth. The person goes and gets their shotgun, ready to blast Jason's head of when he breaks in.

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Hold on, please hold on! I will explain, it is my name, but I don't know whats so wrong with it at all... Please give me five minutes, I need to use the bathroom, please don't go just yet, don't be mad at me, what have I done wrong now? I mean if you are gonna go to sleep or something please do not be upset with me.

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Mike and Richard were walking down the street together Richard left because of Mike's garlic breath

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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knock knock who's there? THE ROCKET POWERED FIST!!

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what do a heater and a dead baby have in common? a dead baby is only warm for a small period of time

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Midgets' mouths are perfect height for, kissing other midgets.

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Q: What did blue say to red? A: Let's make some purple

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Why did the turtle take so long on his run? Because he never went on a run he walked.

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What do you call a blonde that just got hit by a school bus? Dead.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? ... A boy played in mud.

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What's redder than a red apple? 2 red apples

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The guy told a funny joke. Why wasn't the other guy laughing? Because he was having a heart attack

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A Polish man walks into a bar and says, "Co za asy..."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops