Roses are Red Your Face Has Turned Blue This Pillow I have Is Smothering You

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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Where would a 65 year old man find a young, attractive woman who would take any interest in him? Very likely in a hospital, but that would be a professional interest, not a sexual one.

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Yo mama got so bad teeth her dentist said she should get them surgicly removed and get lifelike dentures

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When's the worst time to use skin moisturizer? When you're a burn victim.

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ok so ive been pondering for a while now for a joke to submit and here is what ive got, tell me what you think: quif stain

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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Whatever her name is.

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Why did the doctor not make it to his appointment in time? Because he died in 9/11!

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What do you call a black doctor? Ehh...

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knock knock. who is there ? nobody.you have no friends.

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What junk did she have in her trunk? Mcdonalds because shes fat as hell.

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a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face?" Then the horse left because that question is racist to horses.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because he had legs.

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Your mother is so obese, that when shot with a high velocity round from a handgun, the bullet is unlikely to penetrate the several layers of fat protecting her vital organs, like a fleshy kevlar vest. However, she is likely to die from infection, which is highly commom among gunshot wounds.

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Girl you must be Jamaican...because you're black and annoying.

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(two firefighters are climbing an undersea mountain in Brazil) Why do elephants fear the natural causes of silver icecream cones? Because the cars in the parking garage jump the moon while doing jumping jacks.

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What smells like diarrhea and looks like poop? A rotten banana.

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Did you know that Hellen Keller had a roller coaster in her backyard? Neither did she

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How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

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I'm a Banker. A woman asked if I could check her balance... So I pushed her off a cliff.

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What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? There is none, one is a female human being with blonde hair and the other is a headlamp with a halogen lightbulb.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, ask the chicken.

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Man: Knock knock Man 2: who's there Alzheimer's patient: to get to the other side!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was shot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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