I have magical powers. Try your best to not to follow these instructions: Ready? Go. You are now blinking your eyes. (strike 1) You are now breathing voluntary. (strike 2) You suddenly have an itch somewhere on your body. (strike 3) You lost. Thanks for playing my little game. Hope you enjoy thinking of a flying pink elephant with wings.

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A black man a white man and an asian man walk into a bar have a few drinks and on thier drive home run over a three year old little girl and here to month old sister and they go to prison for the rest of thier lives (they shouldn't of let the asian drive)

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There's this traveling merchant from Flint, MI. He goes door to door trying to sell shampoo. He is having a lot of trouble selling shampoo in Flint because they were hit hard during the recession and now ahve trouble affording even the most seemingly cheap products.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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What did Lois say to Peter? Who cares... Family Guy is a stupid show.

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How did little jimmy survive the plane crash? He ate all the survivors, then when the helicopter arrived he ate them too and took the helicopter.

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Q: What did the giraffe say to the sunflower? A: I like your shoelaces!

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Q: Why did the 10 year old squirt his dad with the water hose? A: What to year old WOULDN'T?

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You can lead a horse to water, but you can't suck its dick.

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Q. What is the difference between an ass kisser and a brown noser? A. Depth Perception.

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Why are there no casinos in Africa? Because of the exceptionally high poverty rate.

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What do you do if you are surrounded by 2000 Hungry cannibals? You talk to them in a calm yet determined diplomatic voice, then you become a part of them. Moral: A part of them... Forever.

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You can teach a man to fish but you cant teach a fish to man

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A dog walks into a bar. He's a service animal, so this is allowed.

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Fred: says hi Bob: says shut up why the hell do you have to be so rude!!! Fred:thankyou ob thats better

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why did the women give her sister a present because it was her birthday

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Why did Jay-Z rob a bank? Wait, nevermind. Jay-Z didn't rob a bank.

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Whats invisible and smells lile carrots? Rabbit fart

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poetry, Show me your tits.

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What do you call a black pilot? A PILOT

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, STDs are contagious. Careful who you screw!

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Knock knock. Who's there? Hi. Hi Who? Hi who?! Hi Ho Hi HO. Its off to work we go!! umm.

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LOL

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Why shouldn't 6 guys sleep naked in the same bed? They would not fit

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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