Q. How do you know when you've had too much too drink? A. Your dead(No because when your dead you can't think.)

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the first koala fall off the tree? He Died Why did the second koala fall off the tree? He was stapled the the first koala

thumb_up thumb_down -25

what did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Grggglgluglguggarglegerrrllggglge"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Do you want to hear a joke? Well you can't because you are reading this

thumb_up thumb_down -25

How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer? Ask her.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A man walks into a bar. He realizes that he would need a designated driver if he would want to return home safely. So he then leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't, she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What's red, blue & green all over?

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the bird fall out of the sky? Someone shot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more ibuprofen...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A horse walks into a bar the bartender says "Why the long face?" and the horse said "My wife died of terminal cancer"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

So there were these two ovens in a muffin. One oven said "Holy fuck it's muffiny in here." The other oven said "Holy fuck a talking oven!"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Bill gates walked into a store and farted. It stunk up the entire place and the employees were mad. But it was their fault for not having windows.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

yo mama's so dumb, she had to retake the 11th grade.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What happened when the 16 year old told her mother she was pregnant? Her mother was extremely disappointed that her daughter did not stay faithful to an abstinent life but eventually became proud of the fact that she would soon be a grandmother.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

XD A COZY FIGHT XD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? I am gonna kick your ass, break your face and then give you a kiss on the cheek as your mangled corpse bleeds out... XD :)) THANKS FOR THE LAUGHTER XD XD Reminds me of a former comment where you describe the local weather, you know, we do not live that far away from each other, hell it was actually the time, we are completely in the same timezone, so anyway, do you also get cartoon network on your television?

thumb_up thumb_down -25

The day after Christmas a chain-smoker, a sex addict, and an alcoholic go to the doctor. The doctor tells the three friends that they need to quit their addiction or they will die. R.I.P. Tommy, Jacob, and Winston 1/1/2011

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A Hideo Kojima AntiJoke Typed by Hideo Kojima. Idea By Hideo Kojima. Concept By Hideo Kojima Spacing by Hideo Kojima Controlled for typos by Hideo Kojima Overseen By Hideo Kojima Aproved By Hideo Kojima. Reconsidered By Hideo Kojima Accepted by Hideo Kojima What took you so long?

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What did the 3 month old puppy get for Valentines day? Heart Worms. What'd he get for Christmas? Put down.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What's that Lassie? Timmy fell in the well again? And you couldn't care less because the stupid kid never looks where he's going?

thumb_up thumb_down -25

This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

OH MY LUMPIN GOD!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

The ability to live the life of a dead person.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops