A duck flies into a bar. The bartender allows it to stay because it turns into a beautiful swan. The goose then lays a golden egg and the bartender stares in awe as a giant bean stalk grows out of the egg. He's ecstatic and really glad he let the flamingo stay with all the wonderful colors and magic going on.

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why do police kill so many young black men in America? it's a difficult question that deserves a thoughtful response. many complex issues are at play, but we also feel a sense that something must be done. we cannot ignore some of the forces at work here, yet we cannot all personally take responsibility, either. or maybe he wanted to steal his girl. that shit really happens. THAT SHIT LEGIT HAPAPNES.

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What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

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You can pick you're friends, you can pick you're nose, but you can't run over a pedestrian.

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Yo mama so short she often has to ask you to retrieve items from the top shelf of her cabinet.

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How was breakdancing inventented? From niggas trying to steal hubcaps of moving cars!

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The number 69 is? Just a plain old number that has just as much meaning as 68 and 70.

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How do you stop a bus? You try to wave down the bus driver, they're usually nice people who will stop for you if you put in some effort and act appreciative.

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A muslim and a jew walk into a bar. The muslim proceeds to detonate the bomb he had strapped to his chest, killing himself and dozens of bar patrons.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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What did the man say when he lost his car? Where the fuck did my car go

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Why did the man buy his wife expensive flowers? It was their anniversary and he is a faithful husband.

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How does a Welshman take a shit? Like anyone other human being does.

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What would make African women very happy? food and healthcare for their kids, and a proper education.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it was making its way home after a long day of luckless job interviews

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A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and gives a heavy sigh. The bartender asks, "What's wrong?" The guy says, "Nothing."

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Roses are red Violets are blue I haven't been able to deal Since the day that I lost you. Now these roses bleed red And these violets cry blue I think of you in memories Do you think of me too?

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A man walks into a bar, the other man ducks.

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What's more exiting than watching football Escaping through the underground railroad

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Why did the cow fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second cow fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first cow.

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How do you wake a sleeping bear? Kick it.

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What's worse than your console not switching on? A mutilated body.

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What did the west African get for his birthday? Ebola

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What's blue, red, and full of metal? Timmy in his favorite blue sweater, after he got hit by a truck.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops