Evil Witch: Hey Snow White, want an apple. Snow White: No thank you, I just ate, I'm good. Evil Witch: But its good! Snow White: No thanks, I'm good! Evil Witch: Ill put caramel on it!! Snow White: NO THANKS! Evil Witch: FINE!! The Evil Witch then pulled out an AK - 47 and violently murdered Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

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What did the man with aids say? "I'm dying and there is nothing you can do about it"

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Knock knock. Whose there? Orange. Orange who? NOTHING, because NOTHING rhymes with orange!

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What do communists and strawberries have in common? You can eat them.

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Why was the boy sad? Because his pet bird couldn't fly. Why couldn't the bird fly? Because it was dead.

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Why did the boy lick the window? He had Down's syndrome

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what do you call a a miget crossed with a vampire? A miget, vampires are a figment of you're screwed up imagination.

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Q: What did the shark say while eating the surfer A: Nothing, his mouth was full, and besides....sharks cannot talk.

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Why did the boy loose his hat Because he got hit by a plane

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A student often slept through his alarm, which led to a lower class attendance rate and thus a poor performance on his exam

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What does "Fiat" stand for? "Fabbrica Italiana Automobili Torino."

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Yo mamas so poor, she should probably find a source of consistent payment to support herself.

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What do you call a man who is walking into walls and poles? A blind man who really needs your help.

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What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

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whats worse than 10 dead babies in a bucket 5 are alive and eating the others

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Have you ever seen the movie called "The Tourist"? No

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What has three legs and herpes? A male prostitute.

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What's worse than getting raped by a bear? Getting raped by two bears.

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So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender then looks down and realizes that the pirate has a steering wheel on his penis. "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel on your penis?" the bartender asks. "Arrrrrrr! It's driving me crazy! I just woke up one day and it was there!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon, it looks like it could be very harmful to your health and slightly uncomfortable. Not to mention your penis is out in the open." "You are right, what was I thinking?" The pirate agreed. He proceeded to get his friend to drive him to a hospital, for drinking and driving is not safe, and steering wheels on penises are not healthy.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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What did the Muslim say to the Jew? Nothing, as he has been deaf since birth and is incapable of forming coherent speech.

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Q: What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A: One is a person, one is a food.

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How do you get 100 midgets into a mini? You have to manufacture a mini big enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It won't be street legal, but at least your problem with fitting the midgets in the mini is solved.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was an animal with a small brain and could not comprehend the situation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops