Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red Violets are blue What about pansies

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Women, "Did just pinch my ass!?" Man, "Yes." Women, "Oh, alright then."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How long does it take for britney spears to change a light bulb? Fish can not leave the water without dieing.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A black guy NOT arrested for being black.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

jack and jill went up a hill so jack could lick jills candy but jack got a shock and a mouth full of C O C K cause jill's real name was randy... ... and joe diragi liked it

thumb_up thumb_down +9

whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping cart? One holds groceries. The other molests small children.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call an argument between a Jew and a German? World War 2

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's the difference between an ostridge? It can neither fly.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's better than eating an orange? Anal sex with Kim Kardashian.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

1500 Jews were ordered to walk a straight path whilst in the midst of a blizzard. How close did they ever get to the end? What end? They marched until every last bit of their rotten Jew flesh was driven from their weak bodies. --Amon Goeth

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why was the boy sad? because the serotonin level in his brain was significantly lower than normal.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What has two legs, but can't walk? Half a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

hi michael

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Reality TV.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What is blue and has clouds in it? The sky.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what happened to the girl next door ? she was brutally murdered.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man had two kids who he loved very much but would always come home in a bad mood. On a Friday after returning home, he tells his wife, "I hate my life," then proceeds to take his anger out on her. If you were expecting for this to be a joke, then you clearly have some messed up humor. Abuse in the household isn't to be taken lightly.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

If god himself had a religion he would be a self centered bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

OMG THIS ACTUALLY WORKS! 1. Hold your breath for 2 mins 2. Die

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why was 2 afraid of 81? Because seven eight nine.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops