How do you make a Flamingo cry? Hit it with a sledgehammer.

What do you do If you can't afford a hair cut? Don't get one.

Why was the baby's face red? Because it was bloody.

there once was a man from Nantucket. I want to ride in a helicopter.

What did santa claus get the boy with cancer for christmas? Nothing. Santa is not real and thus incapable of granting christmas wishes.

What kind of shots does John take at night? Insulin, because he's a diabetic.

So my teacher came upto me, and says "At the end of this ruler is a idiot" so I said "Which end?" I got detention.

What do you get when you cross a man with a horse? The Nobel Prize for your advancement of genetic sciences; centaurs aren’t real.

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "My face isn't long relative to the others of my species, it is actually quite normal."

what did the blond do when her house was on fire? she called the fire department, because that would be the correct thing to do in such a situation.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

Shiiit the halls with chunks of feces! Fa-la-la-la-la lala-lala! Taken from all sorts of species! Fa-la-la-la-la lala-lala! Bengal tiger, kangaroo, African elephant, blue whale too! Shit the halls with chunks of feces! Fa-la-la-la-lala-lala!

How do you keep a woman from driving your car? Shoot her.

Why couldn't the little boy see? His eyes were closed.

Bradley is Sexi;P just kidding!!! fatty

How does a printer work? You plug it in.

Micheal jackson had half a pie, Fred had the other half of the pie, They both shared a pie.

Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Therefore, I am a potato.

Neither did she.

There once was a man from Madrass Whose balls were made out of brass This was incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassing for him. It also affected his sexual potency and rendered him infertile, Which drastically affected his ability to enter and sustain relationships with women.

two paraplegics walk into a bar. oh wait...

why did javonne choose club getaway madonna wanted to foster

What would the funeral home do without a dead person? Wait until the next appiontment

A: Why do you look like a dog? B: Idk.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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