Q. What's white, has an orange bill, and looks like a swan? A. a swan

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A horse walks into a bar The bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says nothing, because he's a horse The bartender soon relizes there is a horse in his bar, and calls animal control

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what did the pizza say to the bread? nothing pizza cant talk

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic and i am too

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Why did the black man go to jail? Because he committed a criminal offense.

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Q: What do you call a man with a spade in his head? A: An ambulance.

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You know what's worse than finding a worm inside an apple? finding crack, too late to spit it out.

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why was the man scared of the tree because it was shady

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Hey, what do you call Sarah Palin? A Republican.

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Why do thieves shower before undertaking a robbery? Probably part of their morning routine.

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Q:What the difference between a piano and a guitar A: Nothing, there both instruments and i lied about the difference

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs? A: Disabled.

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Your mom is so old that she most likely will die soon.

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Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

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What do you call a piece of celery with peanut butter on it? your moms dead

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I put my baby in a microwave.

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? It would probably be the court janitor who was responsible for that job, rather than the lawyers.

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yo mama is so fat she broke a branch off the family tree

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Hitler walks into a temple..... Oh wait he died

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If 2 wrongs make a right and 2 rights make a wrong, then when you have 4 rights=2 wrongs, you have a true statement. If you have 8 rights = 4 wrongs, you have a verified statement.

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There was a man posting an anti-joke... He had no life

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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Why did they save the man in a burning building? To arrest him for arson.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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