How do you stop a baby flying 100mph? a shovel

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? ... Well, do you know or not?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what do you call a bunch of black people in a pool cocoa puffs

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What liquid is white and sticky and annoying to get on your hand? Glue.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why didn't the teenager go to high school? He was murdered

thumb_up thumb_down -5

You know what's worse than finding a real joke on antijoke.com? AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the man jump off the bridge. Because he found his beloved wife cheating on him with his life-long friend that he meet when they both where in pre-school.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How tall is a tree? Taller than the ground

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Whats the difference between the Pope and acne Acne doesn't get onto a kids face until they're 13

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's five miles long and has an IQ of 40? A democrat parade.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's worse than getting a papercut? Literally anything.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How did the black man fall of the cliff? He was gazing over and realized he had Prostate cancer and fell off the cliif.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

You know what's catchy? A cold

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Even though Jenny was retarded, her parents didn't love her any less than the family dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse, confused, looks at the bartender with a bewildered look, neighs loudly, and runs out of the bar knocking over a few tables and chares.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's black and white and red all over? A mime that got hit by a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a party, they took the apple from the roast pig's mouth, and they put it on her mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A pony goes to the doctor saying his throat hurts, the doctor sais "oh I know, your a little hoarse". The pony replies, no I'm not ass-hole I have strep throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

how many babies does it take o paint a house depends on how hard you throw them

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A man with glasses and a cane walks out if a clothing store and accidentally bumps into a woman, knocking his hat off "Can't you watch where you're going?" the woman asks. The man then slaps her, knocking her to the ground. He picks up his new designer fedora, and drives off in his $90,000 Cadillac. The woman, after dusting herself off, gets the guy's plates, convinces a few witnesses to testify against the man, and informs the authorities of an assault. He was later arrested for assault as well as pimping and soliciting sex. He is found guilty in a court of law and is sentenced to 2-5 years in prison, and is doled a hefty fine.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why couldn't the woman drive? She was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you get babys to paint a house? depends on how hard you throw them

thumb_up thumb_down -5

You know what's stupid and gay? Idiots and homosexuals, respectively.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops