Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Q: How do get a person to leave you alone ? A: Suck out his eye-balls stuff them in your ears to muffle the sound of his screaming as you head-butt him into a fine paste. Then proceed to spread or squeeze sed paste on to delicious food substance and eat sed delicious food substance. Then carry on with the rest of your day like nothing happened. (P.S. Just ignore any letters about court cases or arrests)

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What happened when Mark's hair died? He got depressed that he was growing old and the signs of it were showing.

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Q. What did the father say to his son? A. Nothing, he just hit him with his belt. His wife tried to intervene, but she too was hit by said belt.

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What's the difference between a bike and a black man? I don't know how to ride a bike.

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What's worse than 6 dead babies in a trash can? More than 6.

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Ya Mums so fat when she stood on the scales it came up with my phone number

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Adam is gay tom is here that's nice

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Your mom is so fat she could consider going on biggest loser, where she might be able to make a lot of money.

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What do blind people see when they close one eye? Nothing.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was commiting suicide.

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I got pussies, cocks, asses and bitches. In my animal store.

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Yo mama so fat because it's in her genes.

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5 Jewish men walk into a bar and are expected to be treated nicely

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An elephant walks into a bar. It was so big that it broke a lot of things.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind.

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What's blue and smells like sky? Sky

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One dog says to the other "I love going for walks!" A women over-hears, screams "A Talking Dog!", and calls the police. The dog is put down and dissected for scientific research.

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apple was gonna make a smaller ipod for kids but decided not to because they didnt want the name to be itouch kids.

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women's rights

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A black man is running down the street with a purse in his hand. He was trying to catch up to the old woman who forgot it at the restaurant. She was very grateful.

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What has many legs, but can't walk? A dead spider.

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What did the little girl say after her dad hit her? Nothing. She was a month old and died instantly.

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What did the doctor say to the lawyer? Nothing. They weren't even together. He was in the hospital saving people and the lawyer was in his office working on a case.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops