What did the caterpillar say when he emerged from his chrysalis? I am a butterfly.

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Q:What do you call a wizard who flies? A: A flying wizard.

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What's purple, red, green and does jumping jacks. Nothing... that sounds pretty crazy if you ask me.

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What's worse than a baby on a pitchfork? Two babies on a pitchfork.

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Yo momma so old that she should be concerned about mesothelioma and asbestoses, as she may have lived during a period of increased asbestos use. She may also be at risk of osteoporosis and should take vitamin supplements daily to improve her rapidly deteriorating health.

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My mom so fat, when she jumps gravity pushed her away from the ground

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Why didn't Michael Jackson celebrate his birthday? He's dead.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Whose there? Obviously not Suzie.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was Gnrwhaf

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Whats the difference between a pizza and your mom? Your mom's a bitch.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A blind fish.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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The scientists of Cambridge have finally developed a cure for feeling low! They have presented it in the style of a song. See if you can spot the hidden frequency wavelengths when you sing it out lout. They are what make you feel better. You've got to LOVE the world! Be a friend! And when You're down you've got to get up again! And when your blue, here's what you do. Just sing this happy tune! However if that fails, then you should consider getting professional help.

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What's worse than falling off a horse? Falling off a cliff.

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What do you call a three toed 9 foot man. His name.

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a lazy boy sleeps 23/24 hours. what does he do in the remaining hour ? he takes a nap

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Why was the nympho sweating in the park? Because they were having sex on the bench.

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You wanna hear a joke? Me too

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why is my wife crying? because she doesn't like tomatoes

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What's long, hard, and has come in it? A long, hardcovered book.

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What did the man say when he saw a tornado coming his way? "Oh my god, that's a tornado. I better get out of its way so I don't get injured.

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Why did the man die? He had a heart attack.

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a man walks into a bar. it was a metal bar. his balls hurt.

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Hickory Dickory Dock. 2 mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one.. and the second one got away with major injuries, dying in a hospital three days later. The clock is now serving its 8th year in jail out of 25 years, and does not regret anything.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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