Today i decided to burn calories, so I grabbed my lighter from the counter and put it in my pocket and proceeded to the treadmill.

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How do you kill and red head? Throw your mom at them!

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What's worse then one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse then two bee stings? The Holocaust . What worse then the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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An Asian, a white man and a black man were running in a race. The Asian won and the black man came second due to his lack of training and motivation over the past couple of months.

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Who more attractive then you? No one your ugly as pooh.

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ok, so a blue flower in a meadow dances valiantly, while being watched by a chipmunk. the king of the sky fairies ate an apple and a chicken and a pear, and a cumkwuat and frog legs and a bone and a library and a jeep and fig and a rhino and a sword but fairies don't have that big of mouths to eat all of that, so this never happened

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Hey i heard You were a wierd kid ooooooooooalskdfjaslkdfj

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how do you wake up a cat? you break it.

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Why did the pig cross the road? To chase after his adopted chicken.

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A man is walking in a bar and then leaves once he gets his drink

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I kinda said I did not want to know, sooo... Want to meet up tomorrow? Like for realsies? In that case tell me first (then show me tomorrow as proof), your cough... Vagina, I dont care if its shaven or not, but does it have red hair?

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Roses are gay Violets are gayer when you hear girls moaning im the player

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Baby you're so hot I have an erection the size of an average penis.

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Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses all walk into a bar. They sit down at a table and glare at each other before turning to watch the baseball game. They support opposing teams.

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why was the man afraid of the tree? Because it ate his mother!!!!!!

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What did the little boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?? Nobody knows because he had no arms, therefore he could not open any presents.

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What did the Polack do in the rainstorm? He got wet.

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Forget about them, do not compare yourself to those beneath you, you always wanted to help as many as possible, in a world where everyone fights for themselves only.

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Roses are red Tulips are blue Wait, no sorry That's violets.

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Why did the boy not get picked up from soccer? His mom was in a fatal car accident. His dad simply forgot.

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Knock Knock. (No answer) Knocker: " I guess the resident of this home isn't home at this hour."

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A woman walked into a college.....which wasn't suprising because she never learned to read

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse responds "I have cancer"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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