Q: When there's something strange In your neighbourhood, Who you gonna call? A: The Local Authorities!

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What happened when the football player couldn't get his Coke from the vending machine? He got angry.

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Knock knock! Who's there? The police your son died in a car crash.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Dog. Dog who? I have a dog.

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Q: Why did Suzie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock-knock? Who's there? Not Suzie.

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Why is Evan short? He was born that way.

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What is Hellen Keller's favorite movie? Around the block in 80 days.

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Why did the man crossed the busy road? Because he was sick of life.

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A guy with a severe attention deficit walks into a bar and... oh, look, the sky is pretty... wait, what was I saying ?

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am a cow moo

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What's worse than 10 babies stapled to a tree? The Holocaust.

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Q How do you know when a gay walks into a bar A Albert rushes over and starts feeling him up

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twenty three roaches walk into a bar. the bar is evacuated due to insects.

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Your mother is so white that when she dances, she is off beat a little bit.

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Holy mother moley! Britain just brexited! Now there's no more Britain. Britain is all gone.

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What did the doctor say to the pregnant mother? Your babies dead

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Ask me if I'm on a horse. Are you on a horse? Um no horses are overrated.

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What did Steven Hawkings say as he fell down the stairs? .................

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A man walks into a bar and pulls out a tiny piano and a 12 inch pianist, which is really just his member with a smiley face drawn on it. Somebody calls the police muttering, "What is this world coming to?"

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But I like being mean and angry! Nevermind, 158 according to Mensa`s standard bullshit test (my wife got 160, I remember we argued a lot over it because I kept insisting they would not use the same predictable pattern again... I overestimated them wildly I can make more advanced stuff than they can, and in no way do I consider myself "The worlds elite required to ensue the future survival and salvation of mankind`s finest and fittest" those fucking arrogant suckers,,,) Below average in any test including American presidents and historical events. Aaand about 450 in any bullshit online test which then offers you "more accurate tests" which cost money and probably destroys the fake confidence any idiot buying such a test in the first place might have built up,

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How do you make a baby stop crying? Make it smell its own diaper then, drown it in its own tears.

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Q: What did Peter say after a long day of work when he got home? A: Nothing, in fact he has job, home, family, or anyone to help him. His leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Ash Oh hey Ash, I was expecting you, come on in!!

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Duke Nukem censored line: What are you waiting for? the celebration of the day you crucified Jesus and ate his flesh and blamed it upon the anti christ because of... Victory? Because you know Jesus gave his life in order to prove that he was immortal and died for your sins because his life is eternal... Satan your Moral Man: Nah, lets just go with "what are you waiting for, christmas?" Now go celebrate you murdering your savior which said "ill be back" on the cross and returned three days later at his second coming? Seriously? I thought only Jesus: The guy that was totally an ARAB (deny it and be consumed in the flames of hell, not my problem), and Jesus: strikes back came out, where can I get Jesus: The third coming? Factoid: Yeah Jesus was totally a blonde haired white man which went clothed in the finest ARYAN silks, in addition he only drove in his MUSTANG 9001 and smoked Lucky Strike... Which did nothing for his luck...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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