A kangaroo walks into a bar and says "Lipstick is the blood of all wounds." The bartender does not know how the kangaroo said this or why.

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What's sadder than a lost puppy? A dead puppy.

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why did the girl stop laughing? there was nothing to laugh about.

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What do you get when you cross Michael Jackson? A collision, if Michael Jackson were alive.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill all his friends and family.

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How did little Sally break her Nintendo DS? Her abusive father repeatedly abused her and punished her until she was thrown into a stone wall. As she went into the wall she crushed by another wall and broke the DS.

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What did the hobo get for Christmas? Hypothermia

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Why could'nt Susie talk? The mafia cut out her tounge

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Pianos.

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How do you confuse a blonde? take the albuterol

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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How many seeds does a watermelon have? None. It is seedless.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Sally. I don't know anyone by that name, please go away.

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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That awkward momment when there is no Candy in the Van... <3

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A boy asked his dad Why are Chinese eyes like that. His dad replied there concentrating that's why there so smart The boy went up to a student in his class and said look I'm like you The teacher asked who told him that he said his dad The dad was called up by the school when the teacher told him what his son did he went GOOZILLA His wife asked him what he was up to and he said farting on her face when she was a sleep 3 days later he found out his wife was cheating on him he knocked on the door only to realize he was on drugs and that he never had a family.

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what has genitial warts? me

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Why was the black guy being talked to by several policemen? Because he was advertising a new renting deal on an apartment downtown and the two policemen were openly gay and have a right to live together.

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What do you call a Muslim in control of a plane? A pilot

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A very unfortunate blind fish.

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Sorry babe, even if I was I would not tell you, the entire place is surrounded, but within enough of a distance, so we will plant a nice setup around the green shack so everyone assumes his deal was some solo operation, if someone else is heading at his direction now, you are gonna get busted, so you better stay down.

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Who are the faster readers? New Yorkers, they through 110 stories in 5 seconds

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what do you call a cat that looks like a lion 7

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Everything.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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