I was going to tell a joke about your mom's vagina, but that's overused.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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What is worse than tripping over a stone, and falling face first into a dog shit, Not much..

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A man walks into a bar,gets a drink, and then leaves.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have ADD Hey look, a squirrel!!

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What's green and blue? yellow

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie roll pop? It would have to take a reasonable amount of licks for enough enzymes in the saliva to breakdown the hard candy part.

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how do you kill a blond? there are many ways but every one of them is illegal and could be criminally chargeable.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mountainous mound of slain human offspring? There is none, the second is conferred to the subject of a conversation using a highly advanced vernacular.

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Q: How many burgers did little Johnny eat? A: Involuntary erections.

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What do you call a black airline pilot? An airline pilot.

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How do you get Vladamir Putin to smile? You tickle him.

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why dont you ever run over a black guy thats on a bike? because you will be sewed and also probably have the shit kicked out of you

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What's black and white and red all over? A penguin after being attacked by a man with a mace.

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What's red and bad for you teeth. A brick

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A man walks into a pole and says "I know, this pun is lame"

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Why did the courageous young boy always follow his dreams? His IQ sucked.

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Q: What do you do when the light burns out A: Just replace it with a bulb from a less used room

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why did the depressed man jump off the bridge? He likes bungie jumping, and wanted to cheer himself up by doing one of his favorite hobbies

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?!?! Neither has he

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"Sh*t!" cursed the man. "You're such a potty mouth!" replied the unamused toilet.

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Johnny has 32 cookies. He eats 28 of them. What does he have now? Diabetes, Johnny has diabetes.

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist

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Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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