How do you burn alot of calories? Set a fat kid on fire

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Your mother is so heavy that she decided to try out nutrisystem

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What is the difference between my dog and my girlfriend? I love my dog

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Ask me if I'm a tree I don't need to, because I know you're not a tree

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I read my Uncle an anti-joke. He is still wondering why it made no sense to him.

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As a kid I was always told that school would get me good places. As an adult, I have found that there is another thing that gets you into a good place. Shrooms.

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A. What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew: B. Pizza's don't scream when you put them into a oven.

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You know what happened when I kissed a girl? I enjoyed it so immensely that I received an erection.

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a lady says, " i cant stand this." Th guy next to her had his legs blown off and will never be able to stand again.

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Doctor: Why the long face? Elephant Man: That's not my face that's a tumor.

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how did the kenyan get away from the cup He didnt he got arrested

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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If pro is the oppisite of con what is the oppiste of progress Congress

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minorities

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How did the retarded, blind child win the Special Olympics? He didn't, he died of terminal lung cancer the year before. R.I.P.

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Q: What did the tree say as he fell? A: Studies have shown plants in general do not have a voice box, thus making plants incapable of speaking.

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A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

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What do you call a mexican man working at a Taco Bell? A young man freshly out of high-school, who could not get into college because his family is sadly struck with poverty. He also has a baby on the way, due to his poor choice of not using protection when having relations with his girlfriend while he was intoxicated. I wish him the best of luck!

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A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

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What's the difference between Nelly and Common? One of them is an artist and one of them is a businessman.

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how did superman die? he got cought in a plane engine!

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What did muscleman say to his dad? You know who else is my dad? MY MOM!

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What is a mean thing to say to Stephen Hawking? Please take a seat.

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Why do people poke people on facebook? Because they have no friends and will die alone

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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