My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse, confused, looks at the bartender with a bewildered look, neighs loudly, and runs out of the bar knocking over a few tables and chares.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's funnier than a dead baby? A lot of things, because a dead baby isn't funny at all.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A lawyer met with his client and said.. well, there is some good news and some bad news The bad news is that you're going to prison for life.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

If life gives you lemons, you're setting up a bad joke

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the black man fall off the building? The building was one of the twin towers and the event 9/11 was currently happening and he saw one of the planes coming at him so he decided to jump to his misery instead because he thought it will hurt less, also he thought that if he waited for the plane to hit him there is a possibility that one of the wings may hit him right on the neck and his head will get chopped off and he wanted to die with his body completely attached.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: What's the worst part about having sex with a cougar? A: Dying...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's the difference between a chicken? One leg is both the same

thumb_up thumb_down +16

That`s my friends phone, I can call you from mine too if you want, please just don't hurt me, let me speak to you, I promise I will explain everything.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why was the plumber sad? Because his family died in a car crash

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the angry man with tourette syndrome say when he smashed his thumb with a hammer? Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is covered in red and has two legs? Half a cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Other Guy: What are you looking at? Me: You.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

''Today is Star Wars day :)'' ''Why's that?'' ''guess'' ''I don't know :/'' ''It's May the 4th!'' ''And?'' ''May the 4th be with you :p''

thumb_up thumb_down +16

1.Why were the black men asked to leave the bar? Because it was a womens bar. 2.Why did the 40 year old get an erection? Because he was excited.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you stop a baby from crawling in cirlcles? nail its hand to the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why does her hair shine so nicely? she uses good shampoo.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What was Mozart's favorite vegetable? Aspara-gus.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did Santa Claus say to the young boy on Christmas Day? Santa Claus is a myth, that was actually a pedophile.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why can't Hellen Keller read, write, or do anything really? Because, shes a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a tree with no branches? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Chuck norris doesn't make his own butter he roundhouse kicks the cow and the butter comes straight out.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops