Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's Where am I

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why is Finnish taxi driver smiling while driving? He's happy.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did Jack like oranges? - Penis

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Robin, get in the car!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Two women are sitting on a park bench, minding their own business, saying nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? By grounding her.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down -22

This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

ronald wants to join a gym, they tell him to lose 20 pounds before coming back or else.....

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Q. What did the 300 pound Asian get for Valentine's day A. A jetpack. Except for the fact that the previous sentence was an obvious lie making this whole joke irrelevant.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

it was dark outside so u know what i did....went to sleep

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why could susan not get up? Because her limbs were hacked off by a African militia group.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

This winter: "The seal is broken, as the spirits of hell go across the world, I can help you find them Clint! But only you can prevent them from killing your family!" "I will do whatever I must!" "Be careful, you can only see them with medication sample X, and destroy them with the super addictive Meladocs 5" "HOW DO I KILL THEM! I CANNOT HANDLE MORE MELADOCS 5! ITS ADDICTIVE AS HELL!" "Only you can save us Clint, only you can do this until their world malfunctions saving us all, but killing you in the process!" "I WILL... I CAN!... UGH... HOW MUCH LONGEEEEEEEEEEEEER!" THE PACKMAN: THE MOVIE.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How do you greet a small mexican man at Chuck E. Cheese? Whatsup Jose

thumb_up thumb_down -22

whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? i know how to make a pizza

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun! So I KILL YOU!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How do u kill a mocking bird? Stab it

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the kid say when the doctor said he had cancer Oh No

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What is worse than catching someone trying to cheat by looking at your exam? Getting struck by lightning.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it goes into the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the sniper say when a newsreporter asked what he felt when he shot a terrorist? The sniper replied: Recoil.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Obama holds the most records for Multikills with Drones. Mu-mu-muuuultiiikilllll.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

tuna fish dolphins sharks idk

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops