What do you call a cow after an earthquake? Dead. The barn collapsed on top of it.

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Roses are shitty Violets are bitches I'm fat.

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My Texting Convos: "Heyy!" "Hi!" "Watz up?" "nm hbu?" "Same here!" "Koolio!(: So wrud?" "Nothing. Just texting you!" "Yea! Same! I'm so bored! And tired!" "Ikr!" "Yupp!" *No one answers. When this is what you really want: "I love you soooo much!" "Awwwwh!<3 I loe you too!" "Do you wanna go out?(;" "YES!!(:" "ily<3" "iyl2<3" *convo goes on forever(: Moral: Purple tomatoes are books of yellow buttons on hands(;

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What did the bi-polar girl do when she found our her ex-boyfriend was living with another woman? Nothing; she was happy for their new relationship and realized life changes and moves on, in addition to taking the daily appropriate amount of medical prescription as directed by her doctor.

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The latter three thousand pages of this website.

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A man with a broken arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I broke my arm, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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What did the father tell his son who was caught stealing from the teacher? --The father didn't say anything because he walked out on his family when the children were born.

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how makes licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? depends on how determined you are to find out

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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A man walks into the bathroom. He dumps cat shit all over the floor

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Why did the blonde walk into a glass wall? Because she either wasn't watching where she was going or the wall was so clean that it appeard not to be there

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Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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woman's lacrosse

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Whats the difference between cake and dead babies? Cakes make people happy while dead babies are a sad and disturbing sight to see.

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There are 2 muffins in an oven One of the muffins says to the other 'Jeez it's hot in here' Then the other muffin replied, 'OH MY GOD IT'S A FRICKEN TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!!!!

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knock knock... who's there? uninterrupted cow uninterrupted cow who?? exactly....

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What's a fry cook's favorite day? Saturday. It's his day off.

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Why was billy sad? He was being brutally hacked to peices behind his garage

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Why did Hitler shoot himself He saw his his gas bill

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Yo mama's so fat that she pushed you off your computer and you couldnt write anymore "yo Mama" jokes.

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What do you call a kid with cancer? screwed

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what do you get when you mix a shit zoo and a pitbull......"bull shit" oh this joke sucks well my life is over

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What is wet, white and sticky? Glue, of course.

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I'm a necrophiliac. Keep watch over your dead friends... ;)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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