Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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Whats green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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What did the clinically depressed man get for Christmas? He received many of splendid gifts and a joyous day with his family. He realized that his life isn't so bad after all, and went home with his head held high. He was then eaten by a vicious looking 7.

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What did your mom make me for Christmas... ...An apple pie because she is a very nice lady

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When life gives you lemons.............. take them free stuff is awesome.

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Why did the car stop To buy drugs

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What did Heinrich Himmler say to the chicken? I'll take that liver thanks.

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What's funnier than 1 dead baby? Anything

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Why cant women drive? Actually, they can

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Knock knock Who's there? Derek the crazy man in the village and I have come to shoot you.

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why do fat people eat so much? who cares

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How do you stop a bus ? Put 3 small children in front of it Whats sad about 3 children who died in a bus crash ? They were my kids. How do you know if you're blind ? You run in to a wall

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Where do you find a dog? At a pet store.

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Person 1: Ask me if i'm a tree. Person 2: Are you a tree? Person 1: No.

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-Knock knock. ~Use the doorbell. -Ding dong. ~The witch is dead!

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When is a clown happy? At a child's birthday party.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who let out the chicken?!?

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A local police officer pulls up to tell you something. Listen carefully: Three zebras have been spotted crossing the Mexican border. He goes into his truck, pulls out a can of marbles, peanut butter, seven velcro straps and a rhino horn covered in glitter. Your mission is simple: Kill the zebras using your equipment. You will be rewarded if you have enough peanut butter to make a sandwich after. Go now... Get it done.

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Two crabs are standing on a wall. One of them falls down. The second one's name is Georges.

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Q: What's DNA? A: The National Dyslexic Assosiation.

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Whats the difference between a lemon and an ant? They're both yellow except for the lemon.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because at the climax point in the swing, gravity is making a much larger affect on you because you are pulling farther away from the earth as well as positioning your body in a way where it is awkward and unstable to support your body, which greatly increases the chance of you falling off and landing on the ground.

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Why don't you ever stick your hand into the bottom of the jelly bean jar? Cuz' the black ones will steal your watch

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Knock Knock Who's there? Boo To whom is Boo?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops