A duck walks into a bar and says, "Have you got any grapes?" The bartender replies "No." The duck then leaves but returns the next day and again asks, "Have you got any grapes?" And again the bartender answers, "No." This happens again the next day and in annoyance the bartender yells, "If you come in tomorrow and ask if I have any grapes, then I will nail your feet to the floor!" The next day the duck came into the bar and asked, "Have you got any nails?" to which the bartender replied, "Yes." The duck then walked out of the bar

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An anorexic women walks into McDonalds

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood? The etymology of the name woodchuck is unrelated to wood or chucking. It stems from an Algonquian (possibly Narragansett) name for the animal, wuchak. The similarity between the words has led to the common tongue-twister that you have just stated.

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What's the difference in a red sports car and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a red sports car in my garage.

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Why was the black man holding the knife in such a particular manner? Because he was getting dinner ready for his family.

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What do you do when a dog chews your pen? Use a pencile instead.

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What did the fish say after he

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derp

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Q: What has eyes but can't see, has arms but no hands and legs but no feet A: a blind man with his hands and feet amputated with cancer

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Whats better than winning gold in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

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Why was the Mexican in pain? Someone hit him with a frying pan 5 times across the face.

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There are two blonds in a car, the driver to looks to the other blond (carelessly taking in her surroundings) They crash and the passenger is grusomely killed to the point of not being recognized and the driver later commits suicide from the guilt and pending law suit.

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What did the boy dog say to the girl dog? Ruff

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How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? 124

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What's the difference between working at Mc Donalds and working as a hooker? A hooker gets paid more.

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A dog is always in the pushup position.

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What is the same about fries chicken and watermelon? There both delicious.

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What do you call a black man with a gun? A cop

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What smells like satans pubic hair and dresses like a woman? Vinny Trolia

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Your dad is so fat, that eventually he got on Biggest Loser and ended living a very successful life.

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Whats worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm. Wats worse then biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Biting into an eggplant and finding half a worm, as eggplants are usually more expensive so you will have wasted more money and would probably not be willing to eat the rest. And eggplants taste like shit.

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Who keeps his best friend in a gun rack? a red neck.

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Lizzy doesnt shave or shower. She just went to the bathroom in the middle of the school hallway

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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