There was a man sinking in quick sand. He looked in the sky and said, "God, if you spare my life, I'll be a great person and believe in you all my life." He died.

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A blonde walks into a bar. She just graduated university and thought she would celebrate with a beer.

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When someone throws a rock at you What do you say? A:Oww

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How many penises is one metric butt-load. Oh God I hope you don't know the answer.

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because it most likely saw a shiny object and wanted to play with it. Luckily there was no cars passing at the time but the parents should be more careful to keep thier child in sight and away from peril. That and the baby found a small piece of glass that could be harmful to it....

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How do you make a ninja fly a plane? You put a gun to his head and say fly this plane.

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Andy Carrol

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What does a camel wear at war? Camelflage

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Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

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KNOCK KNOCK! Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! Umm... Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! OMG I SWEAR TO GOD WHO THE HECK IS THERE?!?!? KNOCK KNOCK! *opens door* Oh.... It was a woodpecker...

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EGGPLANT

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Why did the black men chase the chicken ? Because it wondered out of a barn.

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Did you hear the joke about the Israeli guy with the cruise missile down his pants? Me neither. I hope it's a good joke.

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What did batman say to robin before they got into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile.

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What's worse, a dog dying or cancer? The Holocaust.

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What would the funeral home do without a dead person? Wait until the next appiontment

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How do you catch wet wood on fire? Ask a business owner in Ferguson, MO, to keep it in their store.

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How can you tell if someones gay? You ask them.

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A large man goes into a restaurant and places his order The waiter asks if he would like the weight watchers menu He says no because he doesnt care about his weight

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What's worse than finding a worm in you apple? The holocaust.

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why did suzy drop her ice cream? she got hit by a bus. knock knock! who's there? not suzy.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Nothing, we eat pizza and we respect Jews.

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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What's the difference between a woman and a car? A woman is merely a useful object, whereas a car deserves love, care, and respect.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops