What's the same between a plane a bird and a piece of celery? They all fly except the celery

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Roses are black. Violets are grey. I'm a dog...

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What's 9+10=? 19

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knock knock whose there? it's me, Connie oh hi Connie, wont you come in? oh i was just wandering if i could borrow your scotch tape ofcourse! one moment please. no problem. say, hows phil been? oh he's great, he just got a new job! here's your scotch tape! thank you so much! ....................... what a perfect scene. It is very unfortunate, though, for as Connie walked away from the family whom she borrowed the tape from, a car came by and with a single strike, killed her. this proves that nothing is perfect.

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whats da difference between a black people and grass. there both black except for the grass.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? You poker face.

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How did the man with no arm and no legs get to the store? Well he certainly didn't walk.

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Did you hear about Judith? she was hit by a bus!

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A bear walks into a bar. Four people were taken to the hospital and there was one fatality.

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This is you cat This is just cat This is wasted cat This is your cat This is time cat This is reading cat This is this cat Now read the third word of every sentance

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What do you call something with no legs? A Cripple.

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2 women were sitting quietly

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What is the difference between an Irishman and a plank of wood? Almost everything, including anatomy, chemical make up, mass etc

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this anti joke will likely be the most liked one out of all the anti jokes.

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Why did the dog die? I beat him with a bat

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how do you fall off a building? you trip.

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Tom Petty walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, you are visibly intoxicated. We cannot sell you liquor." The bar explodes because someone said no to Tom Petty.

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That maternal figure of yours is of such inadequate intelligence that she cannot fathom that, given a scatterplot with a linear correlation of greater than -1 and lesser than 1 and a reasonably consistent rise over run, a future value along the y-axis can be predicted if following the y=a(x)+b equation.

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If you're doing a maths test, what type of pickles are best when licking a baseball bat? Sasquatch

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A plane crashed. The pilot was some sort of food, like a loaf of bread or a salad. Neither of which can fly a plane or do much of anything-- like get a plane to move in the first place, let alone take off.

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What is blue and smells like red paint, Blue Paint

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roses are red, violets are red, my garden is on fire

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How did bob Marley quit doing Drugs?

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A man walks into a bar. Now I have to kill you, because that's top secret information.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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